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January 9, 2004
To Our Friends Down Under: We're So Sorry

It's events like this that cause other countries to decry American cultural imperialism and make us look like a bunch of mouthbreathing morons:

Barry "I still look like Greg Brady" Williams will be touring NSW in March with his more-than-just cabaret show, in which he sings, "teaches Brady Bunch choreography to audience members" and recounts stories from the show.

"Brady Bunch choreography"? Does he mean like the dancing featured on the disastrous Sid & Marty Krofft variety TV series, The Brady Bunch Hour? Perhaps he means the choreography he demonstrated as Danny Partridge was kicking his ass on Celebrity Boxing. Or he could be referring to the moves he tried putting on Florence Henderson while appearing as her son on the original series.

When Williams sticks to telling stories, he can be entertaining and self-deprecating, but Aussies aren't going to be that lucky:

"Barry Williams raps, rocks, belts, sings ballads and in a nod to his Brady character Greg's alter ego, introduces Johnny Bravo for a special guest performance and yes, he still fits the suit," it reads.

There may be no three words in the English language that evokes as much dread as Barry Williams raps, and as if that wasn't bad enough, Barry intends on inflicting the "Johnny Bravo" character onto our hapless allies. You just can't put a price on a cheesy has-been TV star clinging to an "alter ego" character that's cheesier and more never-was than the celebrity. Think of Tim Kazurinsky touring as an old SNL sketch character no one remembers after doing some rap and rock, and you get the general idea.

Australia has been a stalwart ally and a true friend of the US, especially over the past two years, and now Barry Williams threatens to undermine the entire alliance. One performance of Johnny Bravo might lead the entire province of New South Wales to burn the American flag. Can't Donald Rumsfeld or Tom Ridge take his passport away in the interest of national security??

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Posted by Ed Morrissey at January 9, 2004 11:15 PM

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