September 27th: I've spent the last four days among the rebels now, trying to make sense of their right-wing patois. It appears that their next mission will target John Kerry for what they call, in their partisan-operative manner, the truth-squad treatment. I'd report this in more detail, but one of their unbalanced and un-fact-checked third-stringers put my picture up on his site. My life might actually be in danger. Geraldo Rivera is a wimp. Courage ...

Mitch Berg from Shot In The Dark has chosen this week's Captain's Caption Contest winners, and he was impressed with this edition's entries. He even threw in a word I've never seen before -- "Fuchicapesta"? I think it means that you guys rock ....

Captain's Award (Strawberries And The Key) - Blogaddict:

Pursuant to my memo dated 09/07/04 regarding same issue:

It appears some of us have still not gotten the message. Allow me to reiterate; the tape dispenser in my possession shall remain so. It is clearly marked as property of "EVENING NEWS" - I don't know what else I need do to make that clear to you people, but rest assured, should it disappear again, there will be hell to pay.

Now, let's all get out there and make a difference.

DR

You Have The Conn #1 (His Next Story Is The Draft) - The Epistoler:

"500 dollars for a one-way ticket to Canada?!!" Doesn't Expedia know who I am?"

You Have The Conn #2 (One Born Every Sixty Minutes) - Eric Akawie:

Dear Mr. Mogatu,

Thank you for contacting me. Your story has touched me deeply and I would be honored to help you retrieve your father's money....

You Have The Conn #3 (Paranoia Strike Deep) - Eugene McGovern:

Damn! Little Green Footballs is blocking comments from my AOL account again!

Report To Sick Bay (For Plastic Surgery?) - Laurence Simon:

Well, I don't need bigger breasts, but I'll just forward this on to Lesley Stahl..."

Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage Mitch's intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.

Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you'd like to be the guest judge!

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