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December 18, 2005
The Santa Crime Family

Did you know that a Santa Claus conspiracy to protest global commercialization of Christmas existed? It apparently consists of men in red suits and white beards who get drunk off of stolen liquor and urinate on cars from overpasses, according to sources in New Zealand:

A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus costumes, many of them drunk, rampaged through New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores and assaulting security guards, police said Sunday.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy" by local newspapers, began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an Auckland overpass, said Auckland Central Police spokeswoman Noreen Hegarty. She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on buildings. ...

One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by the captain. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff, Hegarty said. The remaining Santas entered a downtown convenience store and carried off beer and soft drinks. "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," store owner Changa Manakynda said.

"Santarchy" even has a spokesman, who revealed that the series of arch-crimes intended on demonstrating the evil of commercializing the celebration of Christmas. Alex Dyer claims this as a world-wide movement, but so far the other chapters must have adopted a severe form of omerta. The only other naughty Santa we've seen, was the one of which Londoners saw too much . Rather than being a world-wide movement, it sounds more like a convenient excuse for bad behavior from Aucklanders.

Good thing, too. Police could never break such a crime family using traditional methods for the Mafia. These guys would immediately know who'd been squealing by checking their list twice, finding out who'd been naughty or nice ....

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Posted by Ed Morrissey at December 18, 2005 9:01 AM

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