Caption Contest #7 Winners!

The judge has stepped out of the shadows to shine a light on the winners of this week’s Caption Contest! For those of you who have forgotten, here’s the picture:

Gerbera Tetra has selected his favorite entries for this week’s contest:
Captain’s Award (The Limited Salute) — Todd Robins:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of American, unless of course this offends someone in which case I will simply deny it later. And to the republic, for which it stands, one nation, under no ridiculous illusions of a higher moral power, with liberty and justice for any protected minority group.
You Have The Conn #1 (You SOB Award) — Scotty:
In a move defending his ethnically challenged cabinet, Senator Kerry hires his own shadow to be his general secretary of urban music appreciation. When told that a dark shadow of a white man doesn’t count as much as having an actual African-American on his cabinet, the senator decried the comment as an attack on the patriotism of the shadow because the shadow was being cast upon a flag, and ordered his secret service agent to go all “bunny-hill” on the accuser.
You Have The Conn #2 (Super Hero Award) — Kimmber:
In an effort to clarify his flip-flop voting record, John Kerry introduced the Alter-Ego-Representative, Nuance Kerry. “When I vote for it, he flips against it. We watch out for each other that way.”
You Have The Conn #3 (Your Blood, His Guts Award) — Chris B:
(for Best Invocation of George C. Scott)
“Now some of you Dems, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken out under fire. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you’ll all do your duty. The Republicans are the enemy. Wade into them. Lie about their war record, lie about their voting record. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo, that a moment before was our legislative agenda, you’ll know what to do. Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything, we’ll let the UN do that. We are equivocating constantly, and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the election. We’re going to hold onto Bush by the ass, and we’re going to kick him in the nose. We’re going to kick the hell out of him all the time, and we’re going to go through him like crap through a Clinton. Now, there’s one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, What did you do in the great 2004 election? You won’t have to say, Well, I voted for Dean. Alright now, you secret service agents, you know how I feel. I will be proud to shove you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That’s all.”
Report to Sick Bay (On The Double) — SC Lefty:
You’re right, I don’t know where this finger has been.
I’d like to thank Gerbera Tetra for guest-judging this week’s contest, and don’t forget to drop by his blog. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage GT’s intellect and my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
I’ve already got a couple of pictures to choose from for next Friday’s contest, but don’t hesitate to drop me a line if you want to guest judge a weekly contest, along with a picture you’d like to see run. I have a blast with these contests, and I hope the guest judges do as well.