Caption Contest Winners!

The votes are in … the pundits have spoken … the AARP has filed lawsuits in every state of the nation … it all only means one thing — the guest judge has picked the winners of the latest Captain’s Caption Contest! The Anchoress would just like to thank everyone for their patience while waiting for the results:

Try to keep the excitement under control, people!
Here are the winners!
Captain’s Award (Dan Rather Field Reporting Award) – Famous Mort:
(AP) “Kerry Energizes Crowd to ‘Dangerous Levels'”
by Nedra Pickler
(MIAMI) Soon-to-be-President Kerry energized a standing-room-only crowd of rabid supporters that left his GOP competition feeling, well, flaccid, as polls show that Kerry leads lame duck Bushitler by a whopping 120% among likely voters and an astounding 200% among dead, incarcerated, or incarcerated and dead voters. Paramedics were called to the speech dozens of times to provide aid for Democratic supporters overcome by Sen. Kerry’s awesome personal charisma, razor-edged nuance, and overpowering masculinity…
You Have The Conn #1 (AARParanoia) – Mike:
“Sourpusses for Kerry” wonder whether the rather normal looking younger gal is a Karl Rove plant who is just faking it.
You Have The Conn #2 (Hollywood Endorement Award) – Jeauxjeaux:
Gary Busey and George Hamilton find time between tanning booth appointments to man the lines for Kerry/Edwards.
You Have The Conn #3 (Slo-Mo Photo Award) – Stephen Macklin:
At a rally today, Kerry supporters showed their enthusiasm by attempting to start “The Wave”.
Report to Sick Bay (Jane Russell Memorial Award) – Rodney Dill:
“Silly! We’re not known as the flip-flop brigade because of our sandals, we’re know as the flip-flop brigade because we don’t wear bras.”
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone’s a winner — just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage The Anchoress’s intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you’d like to be the guest judge!
Note: The Caption Contests will continue as scheduled. I would ask CQ readers to skip any John Kerry pictures for a while, now that the election is over. There are all sorts of great targets out there — Michael Moore could give us enough material for years, as an example …
UPDATE: Left Rodney’s name off the Sick Bay Award!