Captain’s Caption Contest #33: Energizing The Base Edition

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another Captain’s Caption Contest! It’s the final countdown, so this contest will remain open as long as the polls do — which means 8 PM CT on Election Night! This weekend, the candidates have to get their voters to the polls — that means they have to get them motivated, get their energy up, and inspire them to go to the polls in unprecedented numbers. Here’s an example of that Kerry/Edwards magic:

As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section — NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be tied to the leg of Ohio geese and flown over John Kerry’s official hunter surrogates. The contest will end on Tuesday, November 2nd at 8 pm CT, when The Anchoress will select the winners. The Anchoress is an excellent writer on Catholicism and her personal spiritual journey; make sure you stop by often.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 11/01: Tons of great entries so far — and don’t forget, this contest ends when the Minnesota polls close, so keep it going! …

Caption Contest Winners!

The Elder has finished an extensive review of the huge number of entries we had in the Captain’s Caption Contest, and he’s selected the winners. It took him quite a while, allowing all of the great selections to bounce around his head so he could pick the cream of the crop. I’d bet The Elder may have had an expression on his face like this:
kerrysoccer.jpg
On second thought, I doubt that The Elder looked much like this. For one thing, his Botox specialist does a much better job than John Kerry’s …
Here are the winners!
Captain’s Award (Flights Of Fancy, Part XXXVII) – Stephen Macklin:
I learned how to do this while I was playing on the 1978 U.S. World Cup Team. We could have made the finals that year but I had to take time off to train for the marathon.
You Have The Conn #1 (Sex Education, Kerry Style) – LRFD:
John Kerry, Presidential candidate of the Communist Soccer Girl Party, shows his “O-face” to amused supporters.
You Have The Conn #2 (History Lesson) – New Manifesto:
“Watch as I decisively head this ball in a fashion reminischent of Genghis Khan”
You Have The Conn #3 (I’m So Confused) – Charles Austin:
“This is how I taught Manny Ortez to hit the ball.”
Report to Sick Bay (He Had Us At Bonjour) – RightWingDuck:
Kerry and Politics. It’s all about taking balls to the face… and wiping the chin afterwards.
The David Strom Short-But-Sweet Award – Infidel:
Owwwwwww!!!!!
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone’s a winner — just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage The Elder’s intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you’d like to be the guest judge!

Captain’s Caption Contest #32: Keeping Your Eye On The Ball Edition

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another Captain’s Caption Contest! It’s down to the wire now, folks — only ten days of campaigning left in what seems to have been the Most Interminable Presidential Campaign Ever. Now’s no time to waver! The candidates must be at their best, their sharpest, keeping their eyes on the ball ….
kerrysoccer.jpg
D’oh!
This week’s guest judge is The Elder from Fraters Libertas, whose sense of fun amidst all this seriousness has been one of my primary inspirations for these weekly contests. The Elder and I will both be part of the guest-hosting Northern Alliance group filling in for Hugh Hewitt tonight! Make sure you tune in as we do our normal gig — wrecking the studio, live-blogging, and causing mayhem on national radio.
As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section — NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be tied to the leg of Ohio geese and flown over John Kerry’s official hunter surrogates. The contest will end on Sunday, October 24th at 8 pm CT, when The Elder will select the winners.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 10/23: Great entries so far — The Elder has been reading them carefully. Keep it up!

Caption Contest Winners!

The votes are in, and the judges have rendered their decision — and they had another tough time with their decision! David and Margaret from Our House may have been intimidated by the enthusiasm of the CQ crowd, just as Senator Kerry appears intimidated by this gang of toughs:

Here are the winners!
Captain’s Award (Who’s Your Dummy?) – Inkling:
Madame Tussaud’s 2005 exhibition, History’s Greatest Losers, was a hit with many American tour groups.
You Have The Conn #1 (The Family Reunion) – Twoff:
Despite John Kerry’s resemblance to his beloved “Lurch”, “Thing” came to the inescapable conclusion that Kerry would in fact take away the Addams family’s tax cuts.
You Have The Conn #2 (Give Him The Sedagive!) – skatz51:
The angry villagers finally surround the Frankenstein monster.
You Have The Conn #3 (Who’s Your Dummy, Redux) – Eric Akawie:
The life-size ventriloquist’s dummy was a huge hit at the AARP convention.
Report to Sick Bay (Ben Dover Memorial Award) – Laurence Simon:
Just ask yourself where the man’s other fist is, and you’ll understand Kerry’s expression.
The Elder Award for the best reference of a bad 1980’s video – Doug “ZaMoose” Stewart:
“Rooooxxaaannnne! Youuuu donn’t have to puuut on de red light!”
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone’s a winner — just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage David and Margaret’s intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies. Don’t forget to visit Our House (er, their house?), either!
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you’d like to be the guest judge!

Captain’s Caption Contest #31: The October Surprise Edition

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another edition of the Captain’s Caption Contest! It’s also October, so everyone’s watching out for the various October Surprises. Last time out, the Democrats pulled out an ancient DUI from George Bush’s past that almost won them the White House. Bush calmly handled the crisis four years ago, talking about his past experiences with alcohol abuse and how his faith helped turn his life around.
Kerry, on the other hand, looks a bit skittish:

This week’s guest judges will be David & Margaret from Our House, which they have not yet learned, because David keeps complaining I never read his blog. Nonsense — go check it out! It’s a great blend of national and local politics, as well as a wonderful photoblog from one of may favorite blogging couples. I read it all the time. (Dammit, David, I really do!)
As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section — NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be incorporated into one of John Kerry’s plans and will disappear into the vapor whence they spring. The contest will end on Sunday, October 17th at 8 pm CT, when David and Margaret will select the winners.
Let the games begin!

Caption Contest Winners!

The entries are in — over 200 of them — the deadline has passed — the judge has made her decision — and all of the possible ass jokes have been exhausted. At least, I think they’ve been exhausted. However, just in case this one got missed, I would describe this week’s picture as evidence that Democrats conflated the ass which serves as the party mascot, and the one carries the party banner in this election:

You all did a tremendous job with your entries this week. I’m not sure, but I know we approached the CQ record with this edition! Kelly from The Patriette had a tough time judging the terrific captions you submitted. You could say she was flying by the seat of her pants …
Here are the winners!
Captain’s Award (The Kerry Counter-Terrorism Plan Explained, or The Democrat Duck & Cover) – John F:
My fellow baby boomers will see this as a variation on the pose we learned in grade school. This version says “Not only will we cover our heads in case of attack, but we extend a hand in friendship for the inevitable reconciliation to follow.”
You Have The Conn #1 (So wrong, he’s right) – GameKeeper:
Wrong Hand
At The Wrong Time
At The Wrong Place
You Have The Conn #2 (Ever changing positions) – IdaWizard:
“I can say this clearly… I’ve had one consistant position on Iraq…”
You Have The Conn #3 (The truth hurts) – Rod Stanton:
“This is how you do it. – After we win the election Americans you all
can bend over and kiss your a– good bye!”
Report to Sick Bay (Exam Room 5) – Daisy Cutter:
Kerry: “Go to my web site to see the five (5) different ways that I am keeping my ‘eye on the ball’ better than Pres. Bush.”
SPECIAL PATRIETTE AWARD – Best use of a campaign slogan as a caption – BillD:
“BRING IT ON!”
SPECIAL PATRIETTE AWARD – Best non-caption caption (says it all) – Ann:
If there is one picture in all the world that speaks for itself, it’s
this one. Is there really a need for a caption at all?
Kelly also includes these Honorable Mentions:
Kerry demonstrates “secret” GLOBAL HANDSHAKE.
Posted by: james at October 8, 2004 07:09 AM
I know my head is up here somewhere.
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at October 8, 2004 05:08 AM
In a moment of candor John Kerry demonstrates precisely how he pulls
the lies and distortions out of his ass.
Posted by: woulde at October 10, 2004 04:07 PM
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone’s a winner — just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage Kelly’s intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies. Don’t forget to visit The Patriette, either!
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you’d like to be the guest judge!

Captain’s Caption Contest #30 – The Global Test Position Edition

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another edition of the Captain’s Caption Contest! In the first presidential debate, John Kerry told us that any action taken by the United States had to have the ability to pass a “global test”, although he neglected to mention that the proctors would all be bribed to give us failing grades. When asked to demonstrate one possible method of performing a global test, Kerry happily demonstrated the preferred position for America among the nations whose approval Kerry craves:
kerryrear.jpg
Kelly, who runs one of my longtime favorite blogs The Patriette, will guest-judge this week. As always, put your best caption entries in the comments section — NO e-mail, please! (E-mailed entries will be forced to sit at a table with Dick Cheney and be shredded into little John Edwards government-experience-sized pieces.) The contest will remain open until 8 PM CT Sunday, October 10th, at which point the comments will be closed and Kelly will pick the winners.
Let the games begin!

Captain’s Caption Contest #29: The Enthusiasm Gap

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another edition of the Captain’s Caption Contest! Much has been made about the enthusiasm gap this week, in which 65% of Bush supporters say they enthusiastically back the President, while only 42% of Kerry voters enthusiastically back the Senator. Long-time CQ reader Thief noticed evidence of this enthusiasm gap even within John Kerry’s staff:

Thief will be guest-judging this week’s entries, so make them good! As always, put your best caption entries in the comments section — NO e-mail, please! (E-mailed entries will be scanned at the Abilene Kinko’s, faxed to CBS News, and used to slander David Strom.) The contest will remain open until 8 PM CT Sunday, October 3rd, at which point the comments will be closed and Thief will pick the winners.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 10-3: Only a few hours left! …

Caption Contest Winners!

September 27th: I’ve spent the last four days among the rebels now, trying to make sense of their right-wing patois. It appears that their next mission will target John Kerry for what they call, in their partisan-operative manner, the truth-squad treatment. I’d report this in more detail, but one of their unbalanced and un-fact-checked third-stringers put my picture up on his site. My life might actually be in danger. Geraldo Rivera is a wimp. Courage …

Mitch Berg from Shot In The Dark has chosen this week’s Captain’s Caption Contest winners, and he was impressed with this edition’s entries. He even threw in a word I’ve never seen before — “Fuchicapesta”? I think it means that you guys rock ….
Captain’s Award (Strawberries And The Key) – Blogaddict:
Pursuant to my memo dated 09/07/04 regarding same issue:
It appears some of us have still not gotten the message. Allow me to reiterate; the tape dispenser in my possession shall remain so. It is clearly marked as property of “EVENING NEWS” – I don’t know what else I need do to make that clear to you people, but rest assured, should it disappear again, there will be hell to pay.
Now, let’s all get out there and make a difference.
DR
You Have The Conn #1 (His Next Story Is The Draft) – The Epistoler:
“500 dollars for a one-way ticket to Canada?!!” Doesn’t Expedia know who I am?”
You Have The Conn #2 (One Born Every Sixty Minutes) – Eric Akawie:
Dear Mr. Mogatu,
Thank you for contacting me. Your story has touched me deeply and I would be honored to help you retrieve your father’s money….
You Have The Conn #3 (Paranoia Strike Deep) – Eugene McGovern:
Damn! Little Green Footballs is blocking comments from my AOL account again!
Report To Sick Bay (For Plastic Surgery?) – Laurence Simon:
Well, I don’t need bigger breasts, but I’ll just forward this on to Lesley Stahl…”
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone’s a winner — just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage Mitch’s intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you’d like to be the guest judge!

Captain’s Caption Contest #28: Pajamaheddin Edition

It’s Friday, so it must be time for another Captain’s Caption Contest! In honor of all the pajamaheddin who took part in the pantsing of Dan Rather and CBS, we’ll put a picture of a blogosphere wanna-be puzzling over that incredibly difficult Blogspot interface:

This week’s guest judge will be my good friend and Northern Alliance colleague, Mitch Berg from Shot In The Dark. As always, put your best caption entries in the comments section — NO e-mail, please! (E-mailed entries will be scanned at the Abilene Kinko’s, faxed to CBS News, and used to slander King Banaian.) The contest will remain open until 6 PM CT Sunday, September 26th, at which point the comments will be closed and Mitch will pick the winners.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 9/25: The Dan appreciates your entries, and encourages you to listen to the Northern Alliance Radio Network from noon – 3 PM CT today (don’t forget to enable your pop-ups!). Courage …