Where’s the beef?

Check out the third item on this list of recent recalls:

An Indiana company has recalled 33,000 pounds of frozen corn dogs because they contain undeclared ingredients that could cause allergic reactions in some consumers, the Agriculture Department said.
The corn dogs from Olympic Food Products contained eggs, beef and whey that weren’t on the label.

I can understand the concern here — I certainly wouldn’t expect beef in a corn dog! My goodness, what is the world coming to, when you can find actual beef in a frozen corn dog!
This … is all Bush’s fault, of course.

Are German Men Really This Pathetic?

German wives who dislike having husbands in tow while shopping can instead put their hubbies in day care:

For women who want to be able to shop without grumbling partners in tow, the “Men’s Garden” has the advantage that they know where their men are and can limit how much they’ll spend.
“I wanted to shop in peace,” said Jeanette Brendel after dropping her husband off, paying the 10 euro fee, collecting a “receipt” for him, and kissing her middle-aged husband goodbye for the afternoon.

What a concept! How lucky for German wives that they can avail themselves of this service, since German men apparently cannot muster up the brain power to keep themselves occupied while their wives shop. Don’t you love the “receipt” thing, too? As if they couldn’t tell which one of the oafs still left in the romper room was the one to which they’re married? And how do the men stay entertained? Well …

Dozens of men left by their partners at the Nox Bar in the port city of Hamburg told Reuters they loved the “Men’s creche,” where for 10 euros ($12) they got a hot meal, two bottles of beer, a name tag and free games. … To keep the big boys entertained, there were also copies of Penthouse magazine in the bar … So that grown men won’t squander all their time with fun and games, Stein has also introduced a workshop to teach the lads carpentry. … “It’s the first place that I’ve found where guys from different walks of life can come and enjoy themselves socially,” said Ben Uaubascher, in his mid 30s, who had a choice of comics to read and games including a mini-race track to amuse him.

So, wives, be sure to drop off your husbands. We’ll have all the porno and beer they can handle, and after they’ve had their two bottles of beer, we’ll have them start using power tools. If they have any fingers left after that, we’ll give ’em some free popcorn. What a great idea!

Lieberman, Clark to Skip Iowa Caucasus

In a surprise move, Senator Joe Lieberman and General Wesley Clark have declared their refusal to campaign in Iowa in order to protest Iowa’s annexation of Central Asia.
Hint: The plural of “caucus” is “caucuses”, in English anyway. The Caucasus is an area in Central Asia that include the Republic of Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Armenia. Perhaps the AP may have heard of it before. Or, perhaps not!
UPDATE: They changed the headline to read “Caucases”, which now doesn’t mean anything.

Don’t I Know You from Somewhere, you SOB?

I suppose when this 22-year-old man first went to jail, he felt that his life was over. However, in one of those coincidences that make you want to believe in a Higher Power, or at least in karma, he was surprised to recognize his new cellmate:

Authorities say he recognized cellmate Kevin Kinder as the man who abused him and three other boys when he was 11 years old.
His lawyer said the man, who is now 22, jumped on Kinder and punched him repeatedly.
The former victim’s mother called the encounter a “fluke” but added that it was very “therapeutic” for her son.

“Therapeutic”. Yeah, that’s what it was. “Poetic justice” comes to mind as well. People often say, “Just lock me in a room with the guy for five minutes,” but here’s a man who actually got to do it. Kinder’s doing 60 years for violating his probation, by the way, and was only in the jail to attend a state hearing.

We could always rename it Wanker

Let’s hear it for GM’s marketing folks: their new name for the Buick Regal certainly has instant recognition, if nothing else:

General Motor’s plans to rechristen the Canadian-built Buick Regal passenger car as the Buick LaCrosse have hit a snag: In Québécois youth culture, the word is slang for masturbation, among other things…Stew Low, a GM Canada spokesman, said in Quebec youth culture the word is a slang term “that means a couple of things, either to masturbate or ‘I just got screwed,’ or ‘I just got taken.’ “

I can’t think of anything that would help sell cars better than to pick a name which either reflects that the owner has no (binary) social life, or is a complete tool just waiting to be taken. Here’s a few more names GM may consider in coming months:
* Chevy Schlemiel
* Cadillac Bunko
* Pontiac Pudwhacker (Pee Wee Herman Select Model)
(via Cronaca)