Mekong Delta Blues!

I’m proud to be the first to release the new John Kerry campaign theme song, “Mekong Delta Blues”, written and performed by the Sons Of The Blogosphere, a local group in the Twin Cities. You can download the file at this link and have a listen for yourselves. The Sons have kindly provided the lyrics to this soon-to-be classic:
I hear that swiftboat comin’,
it’s comin’ ’round the bend,
I ain’t had my head above the railing
since I don’t know when
I’m stuck in the Mekong Delta,
and time keeps draggin’ on
But that Purple Heart collection
is gonna get me home
When I was first elected,
my daddy told me son,
You gotta raise their taxes,
and take away their guns
Life ain’t easy in the Senate,
when you’re from the ruling class
And never take a firm position,
it’ll only bite you in the —
I had three words for my opponent –
bring it on now if you dare
The Swifties rode in on the 5-2-7,
loaded up for bear
I shoulda never gone to Paris,
I thought that they’d forgot
But I had said I’d done the war crimes too,
before I said that I did not
Some don’t believe “i have a plan’,
and I’m not who they’re votin’ for
They won’t like that my whole cabinet
will consist of Michael Moore
I’ll show ’em Who’s Their Daddy,
if I get the chance
And if it’s the last thing that I ever do,
I’ll turn this country into France!

The file is in a reduced monaural format, as I only have so much bandwidth I can spare for John Kerry, but I think you wil still hear the excellent professionalism of the Sons of the Blogosphere in this MP3. Hopefully, however, they will not be playing at his Inaugural Ball …

What If Bush Followed Kerry’s Example In The Debates?

CQ reader Jeff Dennis has been thinking about John Kerry’s response to the question about homosexuality, in which Kerry managed to bury his campaign in controversy by using Dick Cheney’s daughter as a rhetorical prop. Jeff thinks about how Bush might have handled a similar question in a compassionate-conservative manner, and he came up with this hilarious dialogue:

Q: Mr. President, in your last campaign you were heard over an open microphone describing a New York Times reporter as a “major league as***le.”
To understand how you came to that conclusion, I want to ask you a more basic question. Do you believe being an as***le is a choice?
A: I just don’t know. I do know that we have a choice to make in America and that is to treat people with tolerance and respect and dignity. It’s important that we do that.
I think if you were to talk to Senator Kerry, who is an as***le, he would tell you that he’s being who he is, he’s being who he was born as. I’ve met people who struggled with this for years.
And I’ve met wives who are supportive of their husbands or vice versa when they finally sort of broke out and allowed themselves to live who they were, who they felt God had made them.
And that’s to be honored.

Thanks for a great laugh, Jeff!

The Do-It-Yourself Kerry Stump Speech

Okay, one last thing and then I really have to hit the road. Today’s funniest site is Mr. Sun, who has a roll-your-own John Kerry stump speech that will have you in stitches. He also wrote a similarly funny one for George Bush. Check them both out.
Because if we’ve lost our sense of humor, then the Kerrys will have certainly won …

In John Kerry’s (Fictional) Naval Tradition

David Strom from the Taxpayers League has his own blog along with his wife Margaret, Our House, which combines the best of political analysis and personal reflections, along with a good deal of garden photo-blogging. Taxpayers League sponsors our Internet stream, of course, and also has its own radio show on the stream three hours before ours.
Today, David has a bit of fun with John Kerry, finding a parallel to Kerry in literature — and the character is even a famous Navy commander! I kid you not. Just don’t forget your steel ball bearings …

The Slippery Slope?

Hey, maybe we shouldn’t have been so hard on Whoopi Goldberg — it turns out that even the mighty Instapundit can’t resist an R-rated pun at Bush’s expense:

Hugh Hewitt’s new book, If It’s Not Close, They Can’t Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It, — and, taking what I think is probably a very different view, a pre-print of Maureen Dowd’s forthcoming Bushworld: Enter at Your Own Risk. (Irresistible Dowd-like observation: Bush? Enter? Sounds like a porn flick! Hey, there’s a column in that, somewhere. . . .)

I kid, of course — and hope Glenn has a sense of humor. But if you haven’t already done so, make sure you pick up a copy of Hugh’s book, which hit #1 on Amazon over the weekend. Use the link here or the one from my Blogad in the sidebar, and pick a second one up for a fence-sitter you know …

If You Think You’re Having A Bad Day …

I won’t lie to you. I’ve had a tough week, managing to cap it off by throwing my back out. Just when I was ready to pack it in, though, I stopped by Auterrific, which put my week in perspective:

A Romanian surgeon who underwent a fit of madness while operating on a man’s testicles proceeded to amputate his penis and cut it into three pieces.

Yikes! Jeez, I feel pretty guilty about my petty gripes now. Read the rest of the article and Linda’s post for an attitude adjustment. However, if you don’t feel like that’s given you enough of a lift, try Linda’s other suggestion and check out this unlikely duet on “This Land Is Your Land” by George Bush and John Kerry. Take a moment out from the campaign to have a great laugh.
Good night, and we’ll be back tomorrow!

How Many Johns Do They Need, Anyway?

The Admiral Emeritus sends me this question from the golf course regarding John Kerry’s choice of running mate:

I just heard that Kerry has picked Edwards for his running mate. They were saying on the news that it would be John-John in the White House. I don’t understand their thinking. We currently have several johns in the white house and they all function quite well. At least the current johns don’t change directions when confronted by people from different parts of the country.
Although it would work pretty well as a campaign motto: “What this country needs is two Johns for every houshold”.
Dad

And with that biting wit, its hard to understand why he isn’t blogging himself …

Shhh! I’m Channeling My Inner GOODLE

At the end of yesterday’s Bleat, James Lileks posted a link to a site he’d found when he misspelled Google during a search. I decided to follow his link, wherever his link may take me, and I wound up at the L & J Corporation, apparently based in South Korea. James’ link allowed me the choice between a Korean-language site or an English-language site … and I’m sure you can guess which one I chose.
However, once I began reading the page, I was less certain that I had chosen wisely. Being a student of a foreign language (Irish, because it is so applicable in the Upper Midwest of the US!), I understand that translating text on a word-for-word basis without accounting for idioms and contextual shifts generate results that can be unintelligible, annoying, and/or hilarious. You tell me which you think apply:

We produce and dispose of inner GOODLE. We realized Korean traditional heating system Ondol into the product inner GOODLE by succeeding merits and supplementing problems within its system. To realize the system we introduced a revolutionary fabricated construction system.

If they both produce and dispose inner GOODLE, how do they make money? If they’re supplementing problems in the systems, though, I can see why they need to dispose of the product at the end.

Although it is regarded as the best heating system which has excellent functions and needful merits in it, panel heating system with Ondol has not been sufficiently studied in comparison with research accomplishment in other systems. There needed to develop a new construction method to modernize and to introduce dry process in construction Ondol.

I’m still not certain what L & J actually manufactures, but the person who wrote the text for the website has to be the same one who wrote the user’s manual for my digital camera. Check out the entire site for a laugh, before L & J finds someone who knows how to write in English.

Al Franken: Neanderthal Man

The London Telegraph has uncovered new evidence as to why Al Franken is such an unpleasant little man:

Evidence that the life of Neanderthal man was short and probably nasty, is published today.

Short … nasty … Al! The Telegraph includes some convincing visual evidence as well:
al's familyal himself
Of course, the good news is that the Neanderthals eventually went away, which may be happening soon with Al, if Err America keeps going the way it has been ….

I’m “Dark, Mysterious, and Introspective”

Yeah, well, it’s going around, so I thought I’d take the Hugh Hewitt challenge and find out which Bob Dylan song I am. Now I have the results, and I still don’t know what this means:

Which Bob Dylan song are you?

Ballad of a Thin Man

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.


I think I need to consult with Big Trunk at Power Line to find out why …