Okay, I had planned on mostly staying out of the Christmas Wars this season, a madness where “Happy Holidays” has now reached the status of a war cry. However, while the First Mate and I went out for our first whack at Christmas shopping, we stopped for lunch at Applebee’s. They had a music channel on that rotated through various holiday songs, mostly pleasant if forgettable pop covers of the classic carols.
One, however, couldn’t be forgotten if we tried. Right in the middle of the last chorus of the song, the singer paused and added “Happy Kwanzaa” in the pause.
The song? Incredibly, it was “The Christmas Song” — you know, the one that starts, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” I don’t know the artist who provided this cover, but the irony and the stupidity made me laugh out loud, while the FM’s jaw dropped, aghast. Here’s the chorus:
And so I’m offering you a simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Though it’s been said many times many ways
Merry Christmas …
Happy Kwanzaa …
Merry Christmas … to you.
What’s next? “The Little Drummer Boy” playing his drums for Caeser Augustus? Give me a break. The song itself refers to Santa being on his way — hardly a reference to Kwanzaa. Can we just sing Christmas carols, even these secular ones, for what they are? Especially one specifically named for the holiday?
UPDATE: CQ reader Dan notes that the Christmas carol madness continues, although along an entirely different front:
It’s pretty bad. Especially considering at my ‘conservative’ christian college, (Whitworth College, Spokane, Washington) the Whitworth Choir is required to sing, “God rest ye merry *people*.”
Never mind tradition. We don’t wanna rankle people with a *sexist* Christmas Carol. What’s next?
– “Frosty the Snowperson?”
– “I’m dreaming of a multicultural Christmas?”
– “Rudolph the differently-abled Reindeer-American?”
– ’Jolly’ Mature Morally-Gifted Nicholas?”
Dreaming of a multicultural holiday, Dan. Back to the Gloria Steinem Re-education Camp for you! (And wasn’t it “Rudolph the Recovering-Alcoholic Reindeer”?) Seriously, Dan, thanks for the laughs and hang in there.