The Really Wrong Stuff

Even in a program full of American heroes, some oddities will emerge, and usually in the most embarrassing circumstances. Such is the case with the space program and three of its astronauts, one of whom has been arrested for plotting the murder of the second in order to secure the affection of the third. Shuttle astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak drove a thousand miles to murder Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman after discovering that her paramour, astronaut Bill Oefelein, had two-timed her:

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Discovery launch last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive. Reports show that after U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman’s flight arrived, Nowak followed her to the airport’s Blue Lot for long-term parking, tried to get into Shipman’s car and then doused her with pepper spray.
Nowak, 43, is charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery and destruction of evidence. Police considered her such a danger that they requested she be held without bail in the Orange County Jail, reports show.
A married mother of three, Nowak told police that she was “involved in a relationship with,” Bill Oefelein, another NASA astronaut, which she categorized as “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship,” according to the charging affidavit.
Oefelein, who piloted the most recent shuttle Discovery flight in December, could not be reached Monday night at home in Houston.
She found out Oefelein was involved with Shipman and planned a trip to Orlando to talk to Shipman about their relationships with Oefelein, reports show. She also told police the BB gun “was going to be used to entice Ms. Shipman to talk with her.”

Nowak, the first Italian-American woman in space, flew to the International Space Station last summer on a twelve-day mission to restock the ISS and test some of its systems. She attended Annapolis and has reached the rank of Captain as a pilot, logging 1500 hours as a test pilot on more than 30 aircraft. One might think that all of that experience would have taught her the virtues of a mature and stable outlook on life and its travails, but apparently she valued former Top Gun pilot Oefelein more than her career and her liberty.
This may sound funny, especially the arrangements she made to skip restroom breaks on her way to meet Shipman, but Orlando police aren’t laughing. They consider her dangerous enough to ask for a no-bail arraignment. If convicted of the initial charges, she could spend several years in prison, and it will certainly spell the end of her military and aeronautical career even if she gets the charges lowered to misdemeanors. With the knife and the gun in the car and the 1,000-mile, Huggies-powered drive to confront Shipman, that doesn’t appear terribly likely at the moment.
Every human endeavor attracts a range of characters, and the space program has had its share of colorful individuals. This, however, appears unprecedented, and NASA will have some work to do to deconstruct all of the ways in which this trio managed to embarrass the program in such a tawdry way. They’d better be quick about it, though, because this is the most eligible story for TV moviedom since a cheerleader’s mom tried to find a hitman for the mother of a rival.
UPDATE: I should have gone for Brant’s headline, instead. Long, but more descriptive.