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January 14, 2006
Is AQ An Equal Opportunity Employer?

One of the documents revealed yesterday in the case of Jose Padilla, now that his case has been transferred to civilian court, was an application to join al-Qaeda. The government found his application -- known to AQ as a "mujaheddin data form" -- in Afghanistan shortly after the October 2001 invasion that pushed the Taliban from power and set AQ leadership running for the hills. It comprises one part of the evidence that the DoD is willing to use publicly in order to gain a conviction against Padilla for conspiracy to commit terrorism:

After the U.S. military invaded Afghanistan to oust its Taliban rulers, authorities found a locker full of applications to join al Qaeda's holy war overseas.

Among the alleged applicants: José Padilla, the former ''enemy combatant'' who once lived in Broward County.

A prosecutor produced the alleged document for the first time Thursday in Miami federal court, where Padilla pleaded not guilty to conspiracy charges that he was a recruit for a North American terrorist cell with South Florida links that aided Islamic jihad abroad.

Can anyone imagine what an AQ application would ask of its prospective followers? Having been a hiring manager for several years, I think I can take a swing at composing a standard form. Feel free to print this out and send it to Ayman "Grease Spot" Zawahiri, Pakistan.

Application For al-Qaeda Membership

Allahu akbar! So you've decided to join the fastest-growing organization of psychopathic murderers in the world today. Due to the exciting type of work we perform, we always have room for more volunteers, and so we welcome you to our ranks. We'd like to get to know you, while we can, so please answer a few questions for us:

Name: Abu ____________

Real name: __________________

Gender: ______ Male __________ Chattel (if so, stop here)

Marital Status: ____ Single _____ Married (# of wives: ______)

Reason For Interest In al-Qaeda (circle all that apply):

a. Hatred for everything Western, except those hot babes on Baywatch
b. Suicidal impulse but lacking the skills to carry it out
c. Inability to get women to date me
d. Want to travel and see the world before I realize my ambition to destroy it
e. Having 72 inexperienced young girls later sounds better than dealing with one nagging woman now

Would you be willing to relocate? Y/N If Y, in pieces? Y/N

Do you have any of the following disqualifying conditions?

a. Conscience
b. Soul
c. Survival instinct
d. Half a brain or more
e. Fear of flying

Thank you again, mujaheddin, on behalf of al-Qaeda -- an Equal Opportunity Destroyer

UPDATE: I forgot to link to Michelle Malkin, who has a copy of the real thing on her site. I think mine works better, though ...

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Posted by Ed Morrissey at January 14, 2006 10:57 AM

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Captain Ed - Captain's Quarters Blog has made a guess at what an application for to join Al Queda might look like after learning that a real one has been discovered in the Jose Padilla case.Name: Abu ____________ Real name: [Read More]

Tracked on January 14, 2006 2:53 PM


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