August 3, 2006

Castro: I Believe In HIPAA

Fidel Castro released a new statement to his island of adoring subjects [cough, cough] this evening. In deep appreciation for their concerns, he told Cubans to mind their own business about the state of his health:

In a statement attributed to Fidel Castro that has only fuelled the rumours surrounding his health, the Cuban leader said that his medical condition was a "state secret" and that it would require the "passage of time" to assess his recovery.

He added that he was feeling "fairly well", according to the words read on his behalf by a state television presenter.

"I cannot invent good news, because that wouldn't be ethical. And if the news were bad, the only one to benefit is the enemy," he said in his statement.

He couldn't invent his brother Raul, either, who didn't bother to make this statement on his big brother's behalf. No one knows where Dear Placeholder has hidden himself, but the lack of clear command has some Cubans worried, according to the London Telegraph. For a populace used to Fidel speeches that give new meaning to the word "interminable", the fact that the Commandante passed this short statement onto the nearby TV anchor shows just how serious the situation is.

It's not just rank-and-file citizens, either. Cubans reported new troop movements around the island, especially in Guantanamo, where dissidents say the government has them trapped. The Cuban diaspora, perhaps sensing a momentous change coming, have started making preparations for a massive boatlift if control dissipates in Cuba.

No one appears to know what's happening in Cuba, and that's a bad recipe for this military dictatorship.


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