March 8, 2007

A Darwin Award Nominee

One finds many colorful characters here in the Upper Midwest, especially when the heavy snows hit and people start getting a bit of cabin fever. The vast majority of intelligent, erudite Northerners will use that time to do constructive projects or perhaps participate in some creative work. The tiny minority of mouthbreathers attempt to sterilize themselves so that that minority continues to decline:

Attempts to do a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges. The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the "Jackass" movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire.

Jared W. Anderson, 20, suffered serious burns to his hands and genitals, according to the criminal complaint. Randell D. Peterson, 43, who sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson and lit him on fire, was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment Tuesday in Eau Claire County Court. ...

Anderson pulled down his pants and let Peterson spray him with lighter fluid. When the fire didn't catch, Peterson sprayed more lighter fluid on Anderson, splashing some on his clothing. He tried again to light the fire, catching Anderson's genitals, hands and clothes.

Anderson ran into the bathroom, jumped into the tub and put the flames out. Other guests took him to Luther Hospital, and eventually he was treated at the Regions Hospital Burn Unit in St. Paul, Minn., for second-degree burns.

Yes, alcohol was involved, as it usually is in these cases. The two had just watched the movie Jackass and decided to recreate one of the stunts. Of course, it had to be the stunt that involved the family jewels, and now Anderson's family had better hope they have another child who can provide them the next generation of Andersons.

His partner in stupidity faces 10 years in prison for setting his buddy's balls on fire, which might make for one of the more amusing trials seen here in long memory, if it actually goes to trial. It's almost certain to get pled down to a misdemeanor and some community service time. Perhaps he can tell school kids the difference between movie stunts and real life, a lesson he had to learn the hard way.

Note to Republican National Convention attendees for 2008: this is not a local custom. We do not wear long underwear in the winter and asbestos underwear in the summer.

UPDATE: AnonymousDrivel points out that Anderson's scarred genitalia wouldn't really be an appropriate visual reference for schoolchildren. His question, "are you nuts?", I will assume was an attempt at rhetorical irony, or ironic rhetoric, or something to that effect. It certainly made me laugh...


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