I think that one of the oddest American holidays is Groundhog Day (although at least it inspired Bill Murray's best movie). How in the world did anyone come up with the notion that groundhogs come up to check for shadows and disappear in a hole for six weeks if they see one? It just doesn't make any sense ... unless you're a political candidate whose past may catch up with you on the trail:

Marc from Cranial Cavity has checked out the multitude of outstanding photo captions from this weekend's Captain's Caption Contest and selected the winners! (Thank goodness.) Here are the winners:

Captain's Award (Behind The Scenes Look) - Bear:

'Go mirrors, go smoke! Go smoke! I don't see anything happening. Go smoke! Go smoke! Go smoke! Standby lawyers. Keep coming,

527s. More attacks. Bring it- smoke, smoke, smoke! We want mirrors, tons of them. Bring them down. Let them all come. No integrity. No integrity yet.

'No honesty. All right, go smoke, go mirrors. We need more smoke. All smoke! All mirrors! Keep going! Come on, guys, lets move it.

Jeez! We need more smoke. I want all smoke to go, g-dammit. Go lawyers. Go lawyers. More lawyers. I want more smoke. What's happening to the smoke? We need more smoke.

'We need all of them coming down. Go smoke- smoke? What's happening lawyers? There's not enough BS coming down! All smoke, what the hell! My polls are falling! What the f--k are you guys doing up there? We want more smoke coming down, more mirrors. More smoke. More mirrors'...

You Have The Conn #1 (Misunderstanding The Little People) - Brian:

"John Kerry creates a "Mini-Me" to appeal to the underrepresented "under 48 inch" constituency."

You Have The Conn #2 (It's Everywhere You Go) - J Blake:

A George Hamilton tan from a day of wind surfing.....$260
A GQ hair style from a personal stylist with 10,000 air miles....$1200
A left leaning media with its head in the sand...priceless.

You Have The Conn #3 (O'Neill's Silver [And Bronze] Hammer) - Mike G:

"Democrat Presidential nominee, Senator John F. Kerry (file photo, right) is shown after getting "whack-a-moled" by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth."

Report To Sick Bay (On The Double) - Randy:

[Ed note -- Quote corrected by Randy to reflect the proper color of Viagra -- Seems he entered the contest -- before entering the contest!

"Remember me? I ran for the Presidency of the United States back in 2004. I'm a highly-decorated Vietnam war veteran, but whether you have three purple hearts, a bronze star, or even a silver star, be sure and ask your doctor about the little blue pill -- Viagra. It works for me, and in my situation that's important."

Special Award for entry into INDC Journal's "Moonbat Research Project." - Shark:

Through use of a sophisticated camera and mirror system, we are able to present to you a rare look at Waffleus Flipfloppus in it's natural habitat, hiding from the truth.

Waffelus was once thought to be found in Cambodia, but that myth has been dispelled. The distinguishing characteristics of Waffelus

include impeccable coiffed grey hair, an extra large mouth so it can speak out of both sides, and an attitude of arrogance. This rare breed puts on a great threat display ("Bring it on!") but quickly falls into whiny anger when actually confronted.

Contrary to reports, Waffelus does NOT eat lowbrow foods like cheeseburgers and fries, preferring to dine on gourmet foods like stuffed wrapped chicken and lobster florentine in the privacy of his campaign bus. When it comes to mating, is constantly on the go, always looking for a mate with richer plumage than the one he currently has.

Though these creatures can survive for up to 30 years in the do nothing confines of the Senate, their shelf life on the national scene is considerably shorter, a mere few months.

Can often been seen in the company of Bloodsuckus Legalis, the common trial lawyer.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage Marc's intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies. And don't forget to check out Marc's blog!

As I mentioned, your donations continue to flow into the tipjars set up to help me defray the costs of attending the Republican National Convention, and they are much appreciated. You raised about $250 more this past week. I'm extremely grateful, and I hope to give everyone their money's worth when I'm at Madison Square Garden for the show. The tipjars will remain on the left sidebar until the convention.

Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you'd like to be the guest judge! I'll have another picture for Friday -- so be sure to come back then for the next contest.

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Tracked on August 23, 2004 5:38 PM