Mouthbreathers Archives

April 8, 2004

What's Next, Shooting Santa?

From time to time, a story comes across the wire that makes one wonder if humans can survive without cerebrums. By all evidence, it's not only theoretically possible, but occasionally can be verified. For instance, the people in charge of the Easter celebration at Glassport Assembly of God in Glassport, PA, either provide living proof of this theory or try very hard to avoid thinking things all the way through: A church trying to teach about the crucifixion of Jesus performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs, upsetting several parents and young children. People who attended Saturday's performance at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified. I don't know to which orientation or denomination the Glassport church belongs; some fundamentalist churches feel strongly about traditions such...

April 9, 2004

Now Where Did I Put My ...

Have you ever had a feeling that you forgot something? Did you ever leave the house and suddenly remember that your wallet was on the dresser instead in your pants pocket? Surely most of us have walked away from our desks at the office and left the report we were supposed to bring to the meeting. If so, then this may sound familiar, even if the stakes are somewhat higher: A federal air marshal accidentally left her gun in a restroom at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, an airport spokeswoman said Friday. A passenger found the semiautomatic handgun Thursday and notified an airport employee. The employee then told airport police, who secured the weapon, said the spokeswoman, Pat Smith. "They later found it belonged to a federal air marshal who apparently was using the restroom and put it up on the shelf while she was washing her hands and forgot about...

April 23, 2004

Look For The Weasel Label

A Seattle company has surreptitiously added a message, in French, to labels on its laptop bags and backpacks apologizing for "our President" and claiming that they didn't vote for him (via Wonkette): Bihn's sales have doubled since a French-language presidential insult mysteriously made its way onto the bilingual washing instructions for hundreds of his laptop bags and backpacks. The labels read: "Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot. Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui." Translated into English: "We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him." It's been a while since my high-school French classes, but I don't believe that the correct French idiom for voting is 'We don't have vote for him', which is how Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui literally translates. (It's the wrong tense, for one thing.) Nor is his wiggling about the meaning of the label convincing or...

April 25, 2004

Why I Hate The Radical Left

Via Power Line, Portland IndyMedia provides a great example of the moral decay evident amongst the anarcho-socialist leftists (not the mainstream left -- there is a huge difference between the two). The headline on IndyMedia's post about the death of Pat Tillman? Dumb Jock Killed in Afghanistan Here's a few of the sentiments you can find among the International ANSWER crowd: maybe he should have intervened when the CIA was training, funding and equiping bin Laden and Al Qaeda during the 80s. that might have actually accomplished something. ... "Cottled [sic] sports star allows nationalism to foster jingoistic irresponsibility resulting in his death", or how about "Citizen of empire allows ignorance to cause him to die for imperialism", or maybe "Capitalist chooses to kill innocents instead of cashing check" ... Tillman chose to go to Afghanistan. He's partially reponsible for the deaths of hundreds, maybe thousands of Afghan civilians. No...

May 6, 2004

Cruel Bastards

One of the first qualifications for teaching or coaching children should be that you have a higher level of maturity than those you would lead. Unfortunately, at Pleasantville Middle School in Pleasantville, NJ, no such standards applied at the time these idiots were hired: The 13-year-old boy's coach called him just before last month's team banquet and told him to make sure he attended because he was getting a special trophy, the boy's father said. At the event, the boy watched as all of his Pleasantville Middle School teammates received trophies or certificates. He was then called up to receive his award, and a coach told the crowd that the boy was being honored because "he begged to get in the game, and all he did was whine." The trophy had a silver figure of a baby atop a pedestal engraved with the boy's name, which was spelled incorrectly. Family...

May 22, 2004

Estonians To Build Nazi Memorial?

The European Union's new member, Estonia, has just handed them their first major cultural challenge. Estonian veterans of World War II, which consist of men who fought for Nazi Germany's notorious SS, plan on building a memorial to Estonian SS soldiers who fought the Russians: The Society of Fighters for Estonia's Freedom, which includes, among others, veterans of the Estonian 20th SS division, has initiated the opening of a monument to Estonian SS fighters who fought for Nazi Germany during WWII, Russia's Interfax quoted the Postimees newspaper as reporting on Saturday. The initiators plan to install the monument in Tallinn's district of Maarjamae, about fifty meters away from a memorial in honor of the Soviet forces who fought in Estonia, in July this year, Interfax said. Three large crosses are already installed at the site. The new monument is intended to include plaques bearing the names of 16 Estonian units...

May 24, 2004

Nuts Look For Their Own Shell in South Carolina

Sooner or later, it is said, everyone gets embarrassed by their friends or family. While it seems like it happens more frequently to our colleagues on the rational Left, we have our own lunatic fringe on the right, and when they get out of the box they can be just as, ah ... entertaining as anything the Left can provide. Today's lesson in right-wing/Christian idiocy comes to us from WorldNet Daily, via Memeorandum, in which a Texas group of Christians propose mass Christian migration to South Carolina and a subsequent secession as a cure for all evil in America: Calling the approval of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts "the straw that broke the camel's back," a group of Christian activists is in the beginning stages of an effort to have one state secede from the United States to become its own sovereign nation. "Our Christian republic has declined into a pagan...

June 15, 2004

Don't Feed The Spammers

Over the past few days, I've had the distinct displeasure of getting buried under a swarm of virus-laden spam. Somehow I ended up on someone's broadcast list and whoever built the list has been infected by an e-mail virus. Fortunately, Hosting Matters has a built-in virus detection program that strips infected attachments before I download the mail, and changes the subject line to alert me. However, the source has been nothing if not persistent, and I have received at least a dozen such e-mails. However, that's nothing compared to the other members of the list. I have been inundated with reply-alls from the mouthbreathers on the distribution, asking the source to quit sending the e-mails, as if they've never heard of address spoofing before. Once the first round of reply-alls went out asking for people to stop, another round of reply-alls quickly followed telling the first-rounders that they weren't sending...

June 17, 2004

A Slip Of The Tongue

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune reports this morning on a St. Paul kiss that went way, way out of control: Passion turned to agony early Wednesday morning when a 43-year-old St. Paul woman locked in a kiss with her boyfriend bit off an inch and a half of the man's tongue, according to police. The woman, who told police that she has been victimized by men in the past, said she became frightened when her 47-year-old boyfriend squeezed her too tightly as they were kissing at her home in St. Paul. "I guess I bit down too hard," police said the woman told them after the incident. The boyfriend told police that the couple had been arguing and were making up when he was bitten. The Strib declined to identify the assailant, even though they routinely identify male assault suspects. I assume the reluctance springs from the woman's apparent defense strategy of...

PETA Adds Indictment To Injury

PETA has escalated its war on the Ringling Brothers circus, using the death of a high-wire artist to attack it even though the fall had nothing to do with the use of animals: The animal-rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has asked the city of St. Paul to take legal action against Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus in the case of an acrobat who fell to her death during a performance last month at Xcel Energy Center. Dessi Espana, 32, was performing an aerial ballet move near the top of a 30-foot-long piece of silk chiffon hanging from a frame when the equipment securing the top of the fabric failed. She landed head first on the arena's concrete floor and later died. Lisa Wathne, PETA's captive exotic specialist, sent a letter to City Attorney Manuel Cervantes on Wednesday, calling on him to investigate the...

June 20, 2004

Northwest Airlines: We Get You There ... Eventually

As a resident of the Twin Cities, I have flown Northwest Airlines for many years. While I don't necessarily agree with the local nickname for the pride of Eagan -- Northworst -- after hearing about their navigational talent, I'm not so sure: Robert Morrell wondered what was up after his Northwest Airlines flight touched down. Nobody from the flight crew got on the intercom to welcome passengers to Rapid City, S.D. He looked out the window and saw barracks-like structures and military officials. And then the crew told passengers to pull down their window shades. Turns out it wasn't Rapid City Regional Airport. It was Ellsworth Air Force Base. The Northwest pilots landed at the wrong airport! Ellsworth is a few miles short of the Rapid City Regional Airport, and apparently the crew mistook one for the other. Passengers who expected to disembark on landing were instead told to shut...

July 2, 2004

It Depends -- Are We Trying A Celebrity?

Houston may have some problems filling a jury pool, but I didn't think that they were this desperate. Harris County has served a jury summons to Nathan Dale Campbell, who may be less than an ideal candidate for most courts: Nathan Dale Campbell was first summoned to report for Harris County jury service Monday, but the date was then rescheduled to Aug. 30, said a staffer in the district clerk's office. Campbell, 30, was acquitted in 1997 after a jury found he was legally insane when he attacked girlfriend Kristen West the previous year, blinding her in one eye and permanently damaging her sight in the other. Campbell received treatment as an inpatient at the Kerrville State Hospital. The attack followed West's refusal of Campbell's marriage proposal. He said he thought her eyes were demons. ... [L]awyers say it's doubtful he'll be picked for a panel. Houston residents will be...

July 28, 2004

Maybe He Was 'Da Bomb'

Yesterday a United Airlines flight out of Sydney, Australia returned to the airport in mid-flight because of a bomb threat. The AP reports this morning that the problem may have been more that a bombshell was on board: A note indicating the most attractive person on board may have triggered an aviation alert that forced a Los Angeles-bound flight to turn back to Sydney, Australia on Tuesday. United Airlines Flight 840, carrying 246 passengers including a senior U.S. diplomat was turned around 90 minutes after takeoff Tuesday and returned to Sydney after a flight attendant found the letters "B O B" written on an air sickness bag in one of the Boeing 747's toilets. Flight crews commonly use the letters as an abbreviation for "Bomb On Board," and the captain decided to go back after learning of the find. However, police who searched the plane found no bomb and flight...

August 7, 2004

Beheading Video A Hoax From Wannabe Frisco Pol

The AP reports on a piece of human effluvia that produced a video of himself being beheaded in order to deliberately hoax the world into thinking that Islamofascists has brutally murdered another hostage. Why? To protest Islamofascism? No. To protest the war? No. Surely it couldn't be just to get himself some world attention? BINGO! And guess where he lives: The American, Benjamin Vanderford, reached by The Associated Press in San Francisco, said he videotaped the staged beheading at his friend's house using fake blood. Vanderford, 22, said he began distributing the video on the Internet months ago in hopes of drawing attention to his one-time campaign for city supervisor. When his political aspirations waned, he thought the video would serve as social commentary. "It was part of a stunt, but no one noticed it up until now," Vanderford said. "I did this for a couple of reasons. One is...

August 11, 2004

The Intransigence Of The Lunatic Fringe

The Elder at Fraters Libertas has been on assignment overseas this past week or so, which appears to consist of touring Dutch museums and eating at fashionable cafes. However, he took time out from his grueling schedule to address a serious issue -- the continuing insistence among the lunatic Left in equating Bush with Naziism. And this time, they have absolutely no excuse: There's somethin' happenin' here. What it is became a bit clearer to me Sunday in Amsterdam. I toured a museum dedicated to the Dutch resistance during the Nazi occupation. As I made my way through the exhibits, I noticed a few other Americans taking it in as well. I overheard one of them, a woman, make the comment "Now doesn't that sound familiar?" For a moment I paused, but then decided that her remark couldn't be about what I thought. It just could not be. But it...

September 9, 2004

Lullaby For A Kyoto Supporter

Much has been made by George Bush's political opponents about his rejection of the Kyoto accord, limiting the US in greenhouse-gas production, even though the Senate rejected the treaty unanimously during Clinton's term. John Kerry claims it to be one of the primary reasons his favorite country, France, refused to support the US when it came to toppling Saddam Hussein. It's instructive, then, to see how France's Jacques Chirac demonstrates his personal support for global-warming activism in his daily routine. Is France really committed to implementing controls on the unecessary emissions of greenhouse gases? Perhaps the French people are, but Chirac's support only extends to the limits of his beauty sleep: The most direct route from Paris to Moscow by aircraft is to fly due east. Unless you are President Chirac, that is. The French premier likes his sleep so much that, en route to a Black Sea summit with...

September 27, 2004

Holy Wars

It's bad enough that the world is in the midst of the Third Jihad against the West, fought by lunatic-fringe Muslims against what they see as a Judeo-Christian conspiracy to keep them poor and ignorant. (They should really look into the various kleptocracies and mullahcracies that supposedly lead them instead.) But now we have the spectacle of internecine Christian riots at one of Christendom's holiest sites, the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, reflecting shame and immaturity on all involved: Greek Orthodox and Franciscan priests got into a fist fight Monday at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Christianity's holiest shrine, after arguing over whether a door in the basilica should be closed during a procession. Dozens of people, including several Israeli police officers, were slightly hurt in the brawl at the shrine, built over the spot where tradition says Jesus was crucified and buried. Four priests were detained, police spokesman...

October 2, 2004

People Who Can't Think For Themselves Can't Tell Time, Either

The Washington Post has an unusual editorial in today's edition pointing out the efforts of DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe to hijack their Letters section for unpaid advertising. You have to read this to believe it, but apparently some of the mindless sheep he's driving can't tell time: WE RECEIVED THE following letter from a woman in Yonkers, N.Y.: "Dear editor: This debate made it clear: John Kerry is a leader we can trust to tell us the truth when it comes to our nation's security. George Bush has had his chance; I'm ready for a new direction." Cogent, succinct, personal -- everything we look for in a letter. So why are we writing about it here, instead of publishing it in the columns to the right? Unfortunately, the letter, perfect in every other way, arrived in our electronic in-box Thursday afternoon, four hours and 14 minutes before debate moderator Jim...

October 4, 2004

They Swear, It's A Relaxation Device

An Australian who redefined the notion of a quick airpport layover managed to shut down an airport when their mechanical paramour decided it still had a bit more life left after being thoughtlessly tossed aside: Hundreds of airline passengers suffered disruption to their travel plans when a major regional airport was shut down for an hour after a humming and vibrating adult sex toy was mistaken for a bomb. The vibrator was discovered at 9:15 am (2315 GMT Sunday) by a security officer who checked out a suspicious package inside a rubbish bin at the terminal cafeteria of Mackay Airport in the northeastern state of Queensland, a police spokeswoman said. The terminal was evacuated immediately while passengers who had just arrived from a flight, check-in staff, cafeteria employees and hire car personnel were all forced to leave. Of course, the first question one asks is why anyone would throw away...

October 14, 2004

Look For The Union Label, And Disinfect Accordingly

The rank-and-file of Swedish labor will not be pleased to learn where their dues money went in Trollhattan, in every sense of the word: Union leaders in the Swedish industrial town of Trollhattan, which is threatened by huge job losses, have quit after allegations they used membership dues to buy liquor, porn and sex toys, the union says. An internal audit by Sweden's second-largest union, Metall, unearthed expense abuses by branch 112 in Trollhattan, where about 6,000 workers at a Saab car factory fear they might be hit by European job cutbacks by Saab owner General Motors. As if that wasn't bad enough, listen to the description of the malfeasance reported by a former union branch employee about the disposition of the items in question: A former cashier at the branch told public radio Ekot of drinking bouts and sex shop sprees during official visits to Denmark and Belgium, using...

October 16, 2004

Le Muse, C'est Moi

The French president, Jacques Chirac, has a museum showcasing all of the gifts given to him by foreign dignitaries, an odd form of official showiness that usually is associated with dictators and other narcissists. Having his own museum seems like a perfect reflection of the man who has decided to make himself and France the center of anti-American global expression. Unfortunately for Chirac, his museum also perfectly reflects French economics: A state-funded museum built to display gifts showered on President Jacques Chirac by foreign dignitaries has gone almost three times over budget and is steadily losing money as admission figures slump. Inspectors from the regional audit office in the Corrze, south-western France, found that the museum, opened in 2000, cost almost 5 million to build and lost more than 400,000 in a single year. Most Western heads of state wait until their retirement to open their libraries; countries usually wait...

October 21, 2004

Democratic Candidate's Son Caught Stealing Signs

In a comment to the post I wrote last night regarding the serial defacement of Bush/Cheney signs in Minnesota, CQ reader Smacky linked to an interesting story from Hawaii, where the same phenomenon has cropped up. In this case, political signs have disappeared, primarily those for Republican candidates -- and the culprit turned out to be the son of a Democrat running for office: This election season, thousands of dollars worth of political signs have been stolen, defaced or otherwise trashed at an alarming rate from people's homes and private property. ... But recently, on Primary Election day in late September, an amazing thing happened. One of the "criminals" was caught in the act -- and caught on film. Most interestingly, the culprit, Mike Golojuch Jr., is a frequent letter writer and spokesperson for his version of civil rights and free speech. He was caught stealing the signs of Rep....

October 24, 2004

Language Is Highest French Priority

For an example of why the French have made themselves irrelevant in the modern world, the London Telegraph reports on what the French see as their highest national priority -- forcing everyone in Europe to speak French: A campaign to make French the official language of European law has been launched in an attempt to show the world that France will not bow to the ascendancy of English without a fight. ... Teaching unions and politicians have reacted with indignation to a report calling for English to be obligatory in the school curriculum, while one of President Jacques Chirac's objections to Peter Mandelson as an EU commissioner was that his French was not up to scratch. The foreign ministry has called for a spirited campaign for the language in Brussels while the Acadmie Franaise, which campaigns relentlessly for pure French, says defence of the language should be "the major national...

November 4, 2004

Joan Baez Performs Birth Of A Nation

Reason's science editor Ronald Bailey bought his mother a pair of tickets to a Joan Baez concert as a birthday gift. Baez performed last night and, as one might expect, had quite a bit to say about the outcome. What Bailey didn't expect was the bizarre minstrel show that recalls Ted Danson's Friars Club debacle: However, the most remarkable and disturbing episode occurred halfway through the concert when Joan stopped singing and announced that she had "multiple personalities." One of her multiple personalities is that of a fifteen year old poor black girl named Alice from Turkey Scratch, Arkansas. Baez decided to share with us Alice's views on the election. Amazed and horrified I watched a rich, famous, extremely white folksinger perform what can only be described as bit of minstrelsyonly the painted on blackface was missing. Alice, the black teenager from Arkansas Baez was pretending to be, spoke in...

November 6, 2004

Don't Let Us Stop You

While I was in flight, Michael Moore apparently issued his long-awaited response to the election results, having watched his efforts to smear George Bush and run him out of office come to naught. He exhorts his fans to keep from slitting their wrists by giving them 17 reasons to live on. This, of course, matches the hysterical tone of the rest of the Left today, who have either decided to kill themselves or move to Canada, when they're not busy claiming that vast conspiracies have stolen the election from them. Memo to Democrats: in order to support democracy, you have to accept its results, even when your side loses. If you can't do that without threatening to move away, kill yourselves, or commit violence, then you don't believe in democracy at all. You only want democracy as a cover to impose your beliefs on others, even when the majority disagree...

November 15, 2004

Democratic Humor On Display

James Carville, one of the leading voices for Democrats over the past 12 years, displayed the kind of class and inclusiveness that Democrats accuse Republicans of lacking on yesterday's Meet the Press. Bill at INDC Journal points out this exchange with Tim Russert on air: MR. RUSSERT: George Bush have a mandate? MR. CARVILLE: The only politician in America I know with a mandate is Jim McGreevey, Tim. MS. MATALIN: Oh, gee. MR. CARVILLE: No, of course he does. I mean, he's going to... MR. RUSSERT: Who's running this guy's material, Mary? This... MS. MATALIN: Oh, I'm not. I'm not getting up anymore. Can you imagine the outcry if Karl Rove -- or hell, even Mary Matalin -- had made fun of James McGreevy's sexual orientation on national TV? ACT-UP would already have pickets outside Capitol Hill demanding someone get fired, and the New York Times would be clucking its...

November 17, 2004

PETA: A Subsidiary Of Comedy Central

PETA has launched a new campaign that threatens to reveal the organization as a union of performance artists instead of animal-rights activists. Their latest crusade is to convince the world that fish are intelligent individuals with hopes and dreams that should be spared from the dinner table: Touting tofu chowder and vegetarian sushi as alternatives, animal-rights activists have launched a novel campaign arguing that fish contrary to stereotype are intelligent, sensitive animals no more deserving of being eaten than a pet dog or cat. Called the Fish Empathy Project, the campaign reflects a strategy shift by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals as it challenges a diet component widely viewed as nutritious and uncontroversial. "No one would ever put a hook through a dog's or cat's mouth," said Bruce Friedrich, PETA's director of vegan outreach. "Once people start to understand that fish, although they come in different...

November 18, 2004

Only A Judge Couldn't Have Foreseen This

You can file this story under criminal stupidity -- on the part of a Twin Cities judge. The Pioneer Press reports that a convicted sex offender has molested again, this time raping his girlfriend's daughter after Judge Joseph T. Carter gave him custody despite his criminal record: Even though Justin Paul Farnsworth was a convicted sex offender, a Dakota County judge agreed to give the Hastings man primary custody of his girlfriend's daughter and the couple's two other children. The judge said it was in the "best interest" of the children. On Wednesday, Farnsworth, 31, was charged with sexually molesting the girlfriend's daughter just three weeks after gaining permanent custody of the girl, who is younger than 10. The little girl cried to neighbors about the sexual abuse and Farnsworth admitted molesting the girl for months, telling police that "whatever she said, I did," according to the criminal complaint....

Strib And Minnesota Bar Try Covering For Judge Carter

Tomorrow's Star Tribune carries a defense for Judge Jospeh T. Carter, who granted permanent custody of three little girls to a known registered sex offender, one of which wasn't even related to him. As I wrote earlier and as anyone with a working cerebrum could guess, the sex offender wound up raping the unrelated young girl for months before she finally sought help from a neighbor. The Strib reports on the response from Minnesota Bar Association president David Stowman. Stowman spoke on behalf of Judge Carter, who has declined to comment on the case. Carter's decision was based on "numerous factors", according to Stowman: Farnsworth's prior sexual assault was 10 years ago, and the Dakota County Community Corrections Department has since described him as a "success story." The court-appointed evaluator conducted a custody study that recommended that Farnsworth be awarded custody of the 9-year-old girl. The girl's...

November 19, 2004

Another Great Moment In Education (UK Edition)

When Robin Williams taught his students the principle of carpe diem in The Dead Poets Society, he did so through impassioned speeches about truth and beauty, as well as an unhealthy dose of rebellion. When an unnamed teacher at a Manchester high school tried inspiring her students to seize the day, she evoked Bruce Willis' Armageddon instead of anything inspirational, and wound up scaring the hell out of a bunch of teenagers: A schoolteacher, attempting to motivate her pupils into making the most of each day, told them a meteorite was about to smash into the Earth and that they should all return home to say goodbye to their families. ... The unnamed female teacher made the announcement to around 250 pupils at St Matthew's Roman Catholic High School during their regular morning assembly. Saying she had bad news, the teacher announced that a meteor would strike the Earth in...

Judge Carter Broke Policy To Hand Child To Sex Offender

In a follow-up to yesterday's story on Judge Joseph T. Carter's decision to give permanent custody of an unrelated 9-year-old girl to a registered sex offender, the Pioneer Press reports today that Carter broke the rules by not appointing a child advocate in the process: A court-appointed evaluator who recommended earlier this year that convicted sex offender Justin Farnsworth get custody of his girlfriend's daughter said Thursday he now wishes a Dakota County judge had appointed a child advocate to speak on the child's behalf. Evaluator David Jaehne, a West St. Paul attorney, said he spoke with the girl and visited the Hastings home before recommending she permanently live with Farnsworth, 31. "I always talk to the kids. I always go to the home. I interview neighbors," Jaehne said. But Jaehne said he didn't appear in court. He filed his report to Judge Joseph T. Carter, who last month awarded...

November 20, 2004

Impeach Judge Carter (Updated Response)

As part of my focus on the case of Justin Farnsworth, a convicted sex offender given custody by Dakota County Judge Jospeh T. Carter of an unrelated 9-year-old girl Farnsworth raped for months, I have sent letters to my representatives at the Minnesota Legislature urging them to impeach the judge. To the honorable Senator Mike McGinn and Representative Tim Wilkin, As one of your constituents, I must express to you my profound disappointment and dismay with the performance of Judge Joseph T. Carter in Dakota County. In a decision earlier this year, Judge Carter granted custody of three little girls to Justin Paul Farnsworth, who lived with the girls' mother. At the time, both Judge Carter and the court-appointed investigator, David Jaehne, knew that Farnsworth was a registered sex offender who had raped a 13-year-old girl ten years earlier. Despite this information, Judge Carter granted custody to Farnsworth of not...

November 21, 2004

Minnesota Education Dollars At Work

The Grotmonster alerts us to an essay written last Friday by a student at St. Olaf College, an hour south of the Twin Cities and about two light years from reality. In an effort to make us all question the value of a Minnesota education, English and history major Megan Sutherland informs her fellow Olafians that between Osama bin Laden and John Ashcroft, she fears the one that hasn't murdered 3,000 people: As I write this article I can only hope that John Ashcroft doesn't show up at my door. This is not to say that Osama Bin Laden is a cuddly teddy bear. Rather, I aim to point out that Bin Laden has motives for his actions. Motives which have been bypassed, simplified and just plain misconstrued by the current administration. Further, just because Bin Laden attempts to highlight his objections through violent means does not mean his underlying...

November 23, 2004

Irritating All The Right People

Americans left miserable by watching their Presidential candidate lose set up a website titled Sorry Everybody!, in which various pictures have been posted with apologies for George Bush's re-election. As my good friend and colleage Rocket Man notes at Power Line, SE! has to be one of the silliest excuses for Internet traffic in recent memory. Or at least it was, until someone set up Apologies Accepted, where people around the world posted pictures of themselves accepting the regrets of sore losers in the US. Rocket Man posted a picture of a young woman from Red China professing her love of Blue America, a revealing insight into the kind of people to whom these apologies appeal. (Her smirk certainly must have helped the entry get past the Chinese Internet censors.) Apologies Accepted does provide a service for Americans who want to see the quality of the opposition we face to...

December 16, 2004

Showing Why "The Chevy Chase Show" Was No Fluke

Richard Leiby reports in today's Washington Post on an appearance by actor/comedian Chevy Chase at the Lincoln Center Tuesday night that was so embarrassing that even People For The American Way felt it necessary to scold Chase for his tasteless remarks against George Bush. Chase launched a profanity-laced tirade from which even Norman Lear disassociated himself: After actors Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon delivered speeches accepting their Defender of Democracy awards, Chase took the stage a final time and unleashed a rant against President Bush that stunned the crowd. He deployed the four-letter word that got Vice President Cheney in hot water, using it as a noun. Chase called the prez a "dumb [expletive]." He also used it as an adjective, assuring the audience, "I'm no [expletive] clown either. . . . This guy started a jihad." Chase also said: "This guy in office is an uneducated, real lying schmuck...

January 1, 2005

Welcome To Idiotland

A Washington judge has denied a woman a divorce from the husband who beat her after she disclosed her pregnancy to the court. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer and the AP report that Judge Paul Bastine took the unusual step in order to, er, preserve the family unit for the unborn child: A Spokane woman trying to divorce her estranged husband two years after he was jailed for beating her has been told by a judge she can't get out of the marriage while she's pregnant. The case pits a first-year attorney who argues that state law allows any couple to divorce if neither spouse challenges it against a longtime family law judge who asserts that the rights of the unborn child in this type of case trump a woman's right to divorce. "There's a lot of case law that says it is important in this state that children not be illegitamized,"...

January 2, 2005

Heartless Media Morons

Sometimes Western journalists really make us all look so callous that Third World resentment becomes much more understandable. Case in point: London Times columnist Matthew Parris, who asks us to enjoy the tsunami and its aftermath, as natural disasters keep the world from being too boring. No, I'm not kidding: If it were our choice to trigger this seizure, our hand upon the lever of human fortune, would we have pulled the lever? Of course not. So why the thrill? I have hesitated before using that word thrill. It is easily misunderstood. It might seem to make light of the blackest few days ever experienced in the lives of millions. But all the reciting in the world of the scale of these miseries, all the acknowledgement we can make of the sympathy which they evoke, cannot hide a small, uncomfortable thought which (I am pretty confident) has occurred to you...

January 4, 2005

Sheriff Trump

Power goes to a person's head, sometimes more quickly than others. The new sheriff of Clayton County, Georgia seems to be one of the former. Victor Hill celebrated his first day in office by firing 27 people, stationing snipers around the office and driving the fired officers home in prisoner transports: The sheriff, Victor Hill, 39, defended the firings and said he had the right to shake up the department in whatever way he felt necessary. Sheriff Hill also said it was necessary to fire the workers the way he did, including taking some deputies home in vans normally used to transport prisoners because the deputies were barred from using county cars. A Georgia judge disagreed with Sheriff Hill, ordering the 27 officers to be reinstated. Hill tried to use the murder of Derwin Brown in nearby DeKalb County as an excuse to not just fire the 27 officers but...

January 8, 2005

Kabbalah Cult Leader Blames Jews For Holocaust

In a shocking development that may put a quick end to Hollywood's infatuation with their latest spiritual fad, a leader of the modern Kabbalah discipline blamed Jews for the Nazi Holocaust, claiming that they disdained the "Light" and brought the genocide onto themselves: Eliyahu Yardeni, of the London Kabbalah Centre, made the astonishing claim to an undercover reporter investigating high-pressure sales techniques employed by the group, which promotes its own brand of beliefs, part ancient Jewish mysticism and part pseudo-science. The probe also revealed how Kabbalah Centre representatives claimed bottles of "healing" spring water sold by the group could help cure cancer - and how they sold a batch to a sufferer for hundreds of pounds. Talking about the wartime massacre of the Jews, Mr Yardeni said: "Just to tell you another thing about the six million Jews that were killed in the Holocaust: the question was that the Light...

January 12, 2005

I'll Never Complain About My E-Mail Again (Updated)

I wanted to thank Michelle Malkin for another kind link to World Relief Day when I read her other posts today. I guess I'm just spoiled by the wonderful CQ community, but I cannot believe the vile nature of the hate-mail Michelle receives. Now that Armstrong Williams has been exposed as a sell-out, she expects to see even more of this coming her way: As a result of the Williams/Department of Education payoff, the rhetoric against the rest of us will get even nastier. In the name of "minority outreach," the Republican education bureaucrats who cooked up their pathetic scheme with Williams have done more damage to our credibility than all the unhinged liberal cartoonists and race-baiters and grievance-mongers could ever hope to do. Thanks for nothing. If you get a chance and you like Michelle and the work she does, why don't you drop her a note and tell...

January 14, 2005

God And The ACLU Forbid Any Mention On The Ministry, However

The San Francisco Chronicle reports on a middle-school Career Day where a guest speaker started extolling the economic benefits of dancing naked in front of strangers to young teen girls. Ryan Kim reports that between the fighter pilot, heart surgeon, and concert pianist, salesman William Fried was allowed to extemporaneously broaden 13-year-old horizons with financial details about bust sizes (via Michelle Malkin): The hubbub began Tuesday at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School's third annual career day when a student asked Foster City salesman William Fried to explain why he listed "exotic dancer" and "stripper" on a handout of potential careers. Fried, who spoke to about 45 eighth-grade students during two separate 55-minute sessions, spent about a minute explaining that the profession is viable and potentially lucrative for those blessed with the physique and talent for the job. According to Fried and students who attended the talk, Fried told one group...

January 20, 2005

Maybe He Bought It At A Bank (Updated)

Guess who's suddenly into guns, despite his documentary slamming the supposed gun culture of America? And unlicensed guns at that? Why, it's no one but our own cuddly teddy-bear friend, Michael Moore, and his bodyguard (via Drudge): Filmmaker Michael Moore's bodyguard was arrested for carrying an unlicensed weapon in New York's JFK airport Wednesday night. Police took Patrick Burke, who says Moore employs him, into custody after he declared he was carrying a firearm at a ticket counter. Burke is licensed to carry a firearm in Florida and California, but not in New York. Burke was taken to Queens central booking and could potentially be charged with a felony for the incident. Moore's 2003 Oscar-winning film "Bowling for Columbine" criticizes what Moore calls America's "culture of fear" and its obsession with guns. So while Moore wants to deny the right of ordinary Americans to defend themselves with firearms, he has...

January 25, 2005

Truly Tasteless Tsunami Tackiness

The FCC should investigate the use of public airwaves to air racist and just plain tasteless material by New York City's HOT 97, which repeatedly aired a disgusting parody of tsunami victims to outraged audiences (via Drudge): A New York radio station apologized on Monday for repeatedly airing a joke song that ridiculed victims of the recent tsunami in South Asia and used racial slurs, saying the piece was in poor taste. New York FM radio station WQHT, or HOT 97, ran the segment on its "Miss Jones in the Morning" show. The piece used racial slurs to describe people swept away in the disaster, made jokes about child slavery and people watching their mothers die. "You can hear God laughing, 'Swim you bitches swim,'" was one line in the song. Or maybe we should just cut them a break. After all, it isn't like a quarter of a million...

January 29, 2005

German Government Transforms Itself Into Pimps

The German government has told an unemployed woman that unless she agrees to take a job offer from a licensed Berlin whorehouse as a prostitute, her unemployment benefits will be cut off: A 25-year-old waitress who turned down a job providing "sexual services'' at a brothel in Berlin faces possible cuts to her unemployment benefit under laws introduced this year. ... The waitress, an unemployed information technology professional, had said that she was willing to work in a bar at night and had worked in a cafe. She received a letter from the job centre telling her that an employer was interested in her "profile'' and that she should ring them. Only on doing so did the woman, who has not been identified for legal reasons, realise that she was calling a brothel. Under Germany's welfare reforms, any woman under 55 who has been out of work for more than...

January 30, 2005

A Peek Inside The Head Of A Moral Coward

On the day that Iraqis celebrate the end of decades of brutal oppression, one man managed to sound a sour note. Ramsey Clark does his cover version of the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil" in the op-ed pages of the Houston Chronicle (via Michelle Malkin): The United States, and the Bush administration in particular, engineered the demonization of Saddam, and it has a clear political interest in his conviction. How hard is it to demonize someone who murdered hundreds of thousands of his own population? Does Clark really think that "demonization" is necessary for a man who gassed Kurdish women and children to death as a test of his WMD arsenal? Obviously, a fair trial of Saddam will be difficult to ensure and critically important to the future of democracy in Iraq. This trial will write history, affect the course of violence around the world and have an...

February 14, 2005

Mom, Dad -- It's All Your Fault (Updated!)

I get plenty of e-mail every day, and while I can't respond to each and every piece -- it would take me all day -- I do read it all. Often, people send me tips or suggestions, offer constructive criticism, and occasionally correct my grammar. I also seem to be fairly famous among the families of ex-Nigerian potentates, for some reason. However, every once in a while, I get e-mail that falls into the ridiculous category, messages that spew bile instead of rational thought. What these mouthbreathers think they accomplish in sending this is beyond me, but for your amusement, I present to you Jerry M. Landay: Dear "Captain:" Your "title," a monument to monumental self-infatuation, is the tip-off to the nature of the loudmouth mentality that issues from the politico-narcissists who are now mis-identified as "conservatives." There is n o t h i n g "conservative" about you brown-shirts....

February 22, 2005

Sick Hoax Artist Targets Military Families

CNN reports tonight that a sicko has targeted military families in a cruel hoax. An unidentified man has dressed up as an Army officer on at least one occasion to notify a military wife of her husband's death in Iraq, but she was smart enough to see through the ruse: Military police are investigating a cruel hoax in which a man wearing an Army dress uniform falsely told the wife of a soldier that her husband had been killed in Iraq. Investigators are trying to determine why the man delivered the false death notice and whether he was a soldier or a civilian wearing a military uniform. ... "Right off the bat, she noticed some things were not right," Whetstone said. "The individual's uniform wasn't correct -- there were no markings or name tags. Plus, the person was alone, and she knew one person does not make (death) notifications." Whetstone...

March 10, 2005

PC Madness Doubles In On Itself

Only in a world where sticks and stones break no bones but words hurt like hell can a story this stupid arise. IKEA, the Swedish furniture behemoth, has been targeted for allegations of gender bias because the manuals for their furniture show no women assembling them. IKEA defends itself by claiming it wants to protect Muslim sensibilities by avoiding showing women at work. No, I'm not kidding: Swedish home furnishings giant IKEA is guilty of sex discrimination by showing only men putting together furniture in its instruction manuals, Norway's prime minister says. IKEA, which has more than 200 stores in 32 nations, fears it might offend Muslims by depicting women assembling everything from cupboards to beds. Its manuals show only men or cartoon figures whose sex is unclear. The madness of political correctness has, at least in this case, victimized itself. Does anyone truly care that the drawings in a...

May 2, 2005

Gee, Thanks, Pat (Updated)

Proving that not all hyperbolic idiots occupy the left side of the political spectrum, Pat Robertson returned political stupidity to a fair and balanced position by proclaiming American federal justices as a greater danger to the US than the murderous terrorists who killed over 3,000 people on 9/11: "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings," Robertson said on ABC's "This Week with George Stephanopoulos." ... Confronted by Stephanopoulos on his claims that an out-of-control liberal judiciary is the worst threat America has faced in 400 years - worse than Nazi Germany, Japan and the Civil War - Robertson didn't back down. "Yes, I really believe that," he said. "I think they are destroying the fabric that holds our nation together." I don't care what side Robertson supports --...

June 21, 2005

Bush Derangement Syndrome Claims Another Victim (Updated)

Michelle Malkin points out an obituary from Tucson which should embarrass the family, except that they apparently wrote it. They claim that living with conservatives caused Corwyn William Zimbleman's death through a series of heart attacks from the political stress: An avid atheist, he studied the bible and religion with more fervor than most Christians. He had strong political opinions and followed Amy Goodman's radio broadcast "Democracy Now." Alas the stolen election of 2000 and living with right-winged Americans finally brought him to his early demise. Stress from living in this unjust country brought about several heart attacks rendering him disabled. Cory, a great man, so very talented, compassionate and intelligent, dedicated to the arts and humanities and the environment, will be greatly missed by his wife, family, and friends. While it's never a good idea to speak ill of the dead -- and after all, Cory Zimbleman didn't write...

June 24, 2005

The Quality Of Debate: E-Mails Of The Week

I get e-mail from a lot of people, some of it supportive, and some of it critical. I find that most of it is well-written and open for dialogue, even those who disagree with me. Every once in a while, however, I'll get a mouthbreather who thinks that tossing insults and a few F-bombs amounts to principled and intelligent debate. Normally, I don't comment or reply to these; I calculate it as one of the costs of having a higher profile and simply keep them for my own amusement. However, I just received two from one particular mouthbreather that I simply have to share with CQ readers. Today's messages come from a Jeff Oliver, whose first e-mail came with the subject "rove": no room for comments eh? no room for argument. how typical. you're a yellow fucking coward. Obviously, Jeff has some comprehension problems, because at the bottom of each...

June 27, 2005

We're Delighted You Take This Seriously

Celebrities, for some reason, continually get drawn to political issues on which they know next to nothing. Most of the time, this makes for meaningless and harmless political comedy; this week, we had Tom Cruise lecture Matt Lauer on psychopharmacology, in what had to be one of the more evenly-matched battle of lightweights since Peter Kane squared off against Benny Lynch in Glasgow, Scotland. Sometimes it leads to silly scares with serious consequences, such as Meryl Streep's Alar scare in the 1980s. And at times, the idiocy of the celebrity class actually promises to do real damage. For an example, various Canadian celebrities have banded together to spring a terror suspect from prison in Canada, as the Globe & Mail reports today: A suspected terrorist is getting some high-profile support in Federal Court. Syrian national Hassan Almrei has been held in solitary confinement since October, 2001, and wants to be...

July 25, 2005

Leftist Vandals Attack Family Of Slain Soldier

The family of a soldier killed in Iraq and just buried less than 24 hours earlier awoke the next morning to a fire in their driveway, which totaled the car of the soldier's sister-in-law. The arsonist(s) set the fire with 20 American flags that the family displayed yard, given to them by mourners at the soldier's funeral: American flags, lining the lawn of the mother- and father-in-law of fallen U.S. Army Pfc. Timothy Hines Jr., were heaped in a pile early Saturday and burned under a car parked in front of the home - less than 24 hours after Hines was buried in Cincinnati's Spring Grove Cemetery. ... The flames totaled Sara Wessel's car. Sara is Hines' sister-in-law and Jim Wessel's oldest daughter. She had been staying at the house on Sando Drive since the family returned last week from Washington, D.C., where they were visiting Hines at Walter Reed...

July 27, 2005

Stupid Republican Tricks

The Illinois GOP has ignored one of the cardinal rules of politics, which advises people to stay out of the way when their opponents have begun to self-destruct. Instead of allowing the federal investigations into Mayor Richard Daley's administration to continue as apolitically as possible, the Republicans may have transformed Daley from an albatross to a political martyr: The Cook County Republican Party is offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to an indictment and conviction of Mayor Richard M. Daley, whose administration has been buffeted by scandal. "The arrogance of Richard Daley is appalling," said Gary Skoien, chairman of the county party. "We hope this reward will inspire someone with critical knowledge to come forward." ... The reward follows last week's announcement by federal prosecutors that they had charged two City Hall officials with rigging the city's hiring system to get around a 1983 court order that bars officials...

August 5, 2005

The Explanation Was Almost Worse

Partisans of both sides have long lists of politicians they love to hate. For some on the Left, George Bush and Tom DeLay top their rosters, while others on the Right usually think of Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, and whichever Clinton happens to hit the headlines. Some gather near-universal disdain, such as David Duke -- but he still garners some idiotic support from the fringes. However, in North Carolina, we may have found a truly unifying figure, one so disgraceful that just about everyone can feel repulsed by his actions. The AP reports that a Charlotte city council candidate had to withdraw after his extracurricular writings came to the attention of a weekly newsletter: A city council candidate dropped out of the race Friday after it was disclosed that he posted comments to a white supremacist Internet bulletin board more than 4,000 times. Doug Hanks said the postings were fictional...

August 22, 2005

And Now, Insanity Corner With Pat Robertson

When conservatives want to find something juicy to fisk, we turn to the Minneapolis Star Tribune. When liberals want to do the same, they turn to Pat Robertson, who fulfills much the same role as the Strib as a fount of barking idiocy. Today, score one for the port side of the blogosphere, as Media Matters notes Robertson's latest insanity on Hugo Chavez. On today's 700 Club, Robertson endorses the assassination plot that sprang from Chavez' overactive imagination (emphases mine): ROBERTSON: There was a popular coup that overthrew him [Chavez]. And what did the United States State Department do about it? Virtually nothing. And as a result, within about 48 hours that coup was broken; Chavez was back in power, but we had a chance to move in. He has destroyed the Venezuelan economy, and he's going to make that a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all...

September 5, 2005

Leaky Limousine Liberals

King Banaian at SCSU Scholars points out one humorous story to come from the Hurricane Katrina story, assuming it doesn't turn out to be apocryphal. According to Agence France-Presse, Sean Penn took a boat to New Orleans to "rescue children", but found out that heroics require a minimum of preparation: Efforts by Hollywood actor Sean Penn to aid New Orleans victims stranded by Hurricane Katrina foundered badly yesterday, when the boat he was piloting to launch a rescue attempt sprang a leak. Penn had planned to rescue children waylaid by Katrina's flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch. ... When the boat's motor failed to start, those aboard were forced to use paddles to propel themselves down the flooded New Orleans street. People will tend to give Penn credit for trying to help,...

September 6, 2005

Dafydd: Leaky Limousine Liberals, part deux

Yesterday, Captain Ed directed our gaze to the pathetic cry for attention by Hollywood star and professional vonts Sean Penn, who pretended to participate in the rescue of Katrina victims... in a tiny boat, just about big enough for three people. Which is what it already carried, counting Penn and two "unidentified members of his entourage," one of them a photographer along to record the historic moment for posterity. (King Banaian brought our attention to the former Mr. Madonna's valuable contribution to the Hurricane Katrina rescue effort.) According to Agence France-Presse: Efforts by Penn to aid New Orleans victims stranded by Hurricane Katrina foundered badly Sunday, when the boat he was piloting to launch a rescue attempt sprang a leak. Penn had planned to rescue children waylaid by Katrina's flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds...

September 9, 2005

Clueless Memorial Design, Take 2

The designers of the Flight 93 memorial at the impact site unveiled their effort yesterday. In what seems to be a typical case of cluelessness among memorial designers, the site will prominently feature the religious symbol of the attackers themselves (via Michelle Malkin): Some might argue that the design's most prominent feature is a coincidence, but the title of it argues against that interpretation: It will serve as a living tribute. With each wind, each breeze, a set of chimes housed in a 93-foot tower will create a different song in memory of the 40 people who sacrificed their lives trying to save the lives of others. Four years after United Airlines Flight 93 crashed into a reclaimed strip mine near Shanksville, Somerset County, on Sept. 11, 2001, the design that will serve as the national memorial was unveiled here yesterday in the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Hall of Flags....

September 13, 2005

Farrakhan Craters On Katrina

Louis Farrakhan brought his normal measured rationality to the issues surrounding the devastation tonight in Charlotte, North Carolina. He told his audience, gathered to raise relief funds for the victims of Katrina and the subsequent flooding in New Orleans, that evidence showed that the levee had been blown up to kill black people and keep whites alive (h/t: CQ reader Rick S): He had harsh words for FEMA too. But that was just the warm up. Farrakhan also shared his thoughts on how the levee breached in the first place. "I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach. It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry," Farrakhan said. Gilton Balanos lived in the very neighborhood Farrakhan was talking about. "I think that's ludicrous," Balanos said. "When this happened we...

September 23, 2005

Articulate Means Racist?

I wasn't aware that "articulate" constituted some sort of racist smear, but apparently Oliver Willis writes his weblog to set us all straight. When I wrote that Michael Steele, Maryland's lieutenant governor, had that particular quality, it must have made Oliver rather angry. Paying a compliment to an African-American in his mind means that one assumes the rest of the population lacks the quality noted in the one. Fortunately, here in the sane world, paying one person a compliment doesn't denigrate anyone else, because most of the people here understand that good qualities such as articulation don't amount to some strange zero-sum game. The rest of us recognize that when someone else gets complimented, only the small and terribly insecure believe it has anything to do with themselves and anyone else. Politics has many inarticulate boobs in office and out; all one has to do to understand this is to...

October 8, 2005

Message Received, Moonbat

I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with my neighbor's son. He and his father had an argument about the way he dressed and he asked me my opinion. He had recently adopted a pseudo-gangster chic that ran as a fad with suburban kids for a while, and I asked him whether he meant to support gangbanging when he walked out the door. The Kid then accused me of superficialism, and that his dress didn't say anything about what kind of person he was. "Then you tell me," I said, "why you dress like that." "I want to express myself," he replied. "This is who I am." "I understand that," I said, "but if you want to send a message by the clothes you wear, you can't blame us if we see the message and judge you for supporting it. If you're expressing yourself by wearing gangster...

October 30, 2005

Charles To Follow Royal Tradition Of Appeasement

What is it about frustrated members of the British royal family who, when unable to garner the throne for themselves, decide to campaign on behalf of genocidal nutcases? After being forced to abdicate the throne in order to marry Wallis Simpson, Edward Windsor flirted with the Nazis to such an extent that the British thought they might have to forcibly remove him from Spain. Churchill had to order him to the Bahamas to separate the Duke from German agents. Now we have Prince Charles, the man who would be King if his mother would just let him, deciding that George Bush just doesn't understand how wonderful Islam truly is -- and wants to travel to the United States to deliver a lecture on the Religion of PeaceTM: The Prince of Wales will try to persuade George W Bush and Americans of the merits of Islam this week because he thinks...

October 31, 2005

Save Our Reefs -- From Greenpeace!

Greenpeace has set out on a global cruise with its converted fishing trawler, The Rainbow Warrior, to highlight its promotion of Kyoto-like policies to combat what it sees as global warming, and uses coral reef degradation as a significant part of its evidence of the climate theory. It turns out, however, that The Rainbow Warrior itself presents a more clear and present danger to coral reefs than warm water: Greenpeace is to be fined after its flagship Rainbow Warrior II damaged a coral reef in the central Philippines during a climate change awareness campaign, marine park rangers said. The ship and its crew were assessed a 640,000-peso (11,600-dollar) fine after the 55-meter (180-foot) motor-assisted schooner ran aground at the Tubbataha Reef Marine Park on Monday, park manager Angelique Songco told AFP. The ship's bow sliced through a reef formation measuring 160 square meters (1,722 square feet), she added. The biggest...

December 7, 2005

Babs Discovers Editors

Barbara Streisand discovers why we bloggers mistrust the Exempt Media and write for ourselves. She's miffed because she wrote a letter to the Los Angeles Times and they had the audacity to edit her letter when they published it. Babs presents the letter as written on her website, and then reproduces the resulting publication. I won't excerpt it here; you should read it for yourself. I have to admit that she has a point about the hack editing job done on her letter. Unfortunately, she wrote a hack letter in support of a hack columnist (Robert Scheer) who should have been terminated years ago. Be that as it may, the resulting edit removed the key point of her letter -- that she felt strongly enough about the Chicagoization of the LA Times that she had canceled her subscription. It shows that people on both the right and the left have...

December 18, 2005

The Santa Crime Family

Did you know that a Santa Claus conspiracy to protest global commercialization of Christmas existed? It apparently consists of men in red suits and white beards who get drunk off of stolen liquor and urinate on cars from overpasses, according to sources in New Zealand: A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus costumes, many of them drunk, rampaged through New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores and assaulting security guards, police said Sunday. The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy" by local newspapers, began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an Auckland overpass, said Auckland Central Police spokeswoman Noreen Hegarty. She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on buildings. ... One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by...

December 24, 2005

Was 'Pull My Finger' One Of The Reindeer Games?

The problems with fanatics for any cause is that they make the reasonable proponents look like idiots by association. Today in Britain, I suspect that many otherwise reasonable environmentalists are reading about Liberal Democrat transport spokesman Tom Brake and spitting their rainforest-supporting java all over the pages of The Scotsman. Brake apparently decided to celebrate this Christmas season by informing the world that Santa Claus is a major polluter, as his reindeer would emit almost the equivalent amount of greenhouses gases as a jet airplane from ... methane emissions: REINDEER-drawn sleds have been slammed as environmentally unfriendly, because the carrot-munching animals produce the greenhouse gas methane in their wind. Now Santa has been urged to ditch his sleigh team and start travelling on public transport to cut down on greenhouse gas emissions. It has been calculated that Santa's team of nine reindeer would emit methane with a global warming impact...

December 27, 2005

So You Want To Be Part Of The Game?

Every once in a while, sporting events get interrupted by mouth-breathing morons who decide that the only thing missing from the game is a personal appearance from a walkin', talkin' rectum -- namely, themselves. Usually lubricated by healthy doses of alcohol, these idiots hold up play, distract the fans, tie up security, and all to feed their own senses of inadequacy. At one time, the interruptions had some humor to them, but that was before: * A crazed Stefi Graf fan stabbed Monica Seles on court and pretty much ended her career (1993) * Royals coach Tom Gamboa got attacked by a father-son duo and barely avoided being stabbed (2002) * Houston Astros outfielder Bill Speiers suffered whiplash and an eye injury from an attacking fan (1999) * Umpire Lan Diaz gets tackled by a Chicago fan (2003) With this kind of track record, players on the field know that...

January 27, 2006

I Know We're Forgetting Something ...

Quick quiz: when one builds a war memorial, what one subject should not be overlooked? If you answered "the war", then you're at least two steps ahead of the French designers of a D-Day memorial in Normandy. The London Times reports today that the Memorial Museum in Caen manages to mention multiculturalism, feminism, and Father Christmas, but it neglects to focus on that big armada of ships that parked itself off of the shores of Normandy in June 1944: THE museum set up by the French authorities to commemorate the D-Day landings is struggling under a mountain of debt amid a sharp decline in the number of visitors. The Memorial Museum in Caen, Normandy, has been accused of mismanagement for turning its back on the Second World War to concentrate on subjects from feminism to Father Christmas. In recent months the museum has focused efforts on transforming itself into a...

February 5, 2006

The Perfect Sponsor

Michelle Malkin notes that the left-wing protest group World Can't Wait, dedicated to the overthrow of the Bush administration, staged a demonstration yesterday in Washington, DC. She posts a picture of a protestor holding a sign that depicts a disembodied head of President Bush being held by a hand, blood spurting out of his severed neck, as a political statement (courtesy of Free Republic, which has more photos here). It's about as honest of a depiction of WCW that can be captured on film, especially the creepy smile on the signholder's face: They differ only slightly from the Islamofascists that have burned down three embassies in protest of editorial cartoons originally published last year. They insist on political supremacy and call for the murder of those who oppose them, openly and gladly. It's small wonder that they cannot convince multitudes to join their protest, but even the 1,000 or so...

February 24, 2006

Ghouls Land In Anoka

When a family has to bury a man or woman who has died in the service of their country, a minimal expectation would be that they have the ability to honor their loved one in peace. A rather strange and ghoulish phenomenon has arisen in the past year, however, that not only exploits the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq for political purposes, but also has inspired a group dedicated to countering their protests. And ironically, neither group is anti-war: On her way into the church where the funeral was to be held for her 23-year-old son Thursday morning, Deirdre Ostlund approached six men and women waving signs against gays and America and told them in a cold fury: "I'm Andrew's mother, and I want you to know you are truly hateful people." As Ostlund turned away, Shirley Phelps-Roper taunted her: "Adulterer! You can't admit you sent your own child...

February 27, 2006

Beware The Ides Of Marching

Freedom of speech and assembly are the closest we come to unfettered rights in the United States; we do not tolerate limits on either unless necessary for keeping the peace. However, one of the limitations accepted by almost everyone is a ban on overthrowing the elected government through force, both in action and in rhetoric. The rally being organized by the group United For Peace And Justice appears to approach that limitation, if it doesn't actually cross it entirely: U.N. SOS - We need your help to end the reign of international criminals. It is our duty and the duty of the United Nations to rescue the people of the world from the U.S. dictators. Murder for occupation and theft of land is illegal. Murder of journalists is criminal. Remove the traitors who have stolen the U.S. budget and used it to commit international crimes against humanity. If we were...

March 1, 2006

And I Thought Little League Was Bad

As anyone who has spent time with youth sports programs knows, some parents push their children into competitive sports as a means of living vicariously through them. These parents will berate their children, insult other parents and league officials, and become very demanding and very tiresome. They don't usually turn deadly, as one French father did in ensuring that his children won their tennis matches: For former military officer Christophe Fauviau, tennis was more than just a game, especially when his two children were on court. Even if they were competing in a minor tournament it was not enough for them to take part - they had to win. Today Colonel Fauviau will appear before a judge accused of going to extraordinary lengths to make sure they did - by poisoning their rivals with sedatives. It was a tactic that went horribly wrong when one young player into whose water...

March 4, 2006

Glass Houses Who Need Stones Are The Luckiest Glass Houses

When one uses a blog to scold people for a lack of education, it's best to ensure that the post has been thoroughly checked for spelling and grammar. This lesson apparently escaped Barbra Streisand, along with most of the English classes she attended, according to Beautiful Atrocities: "Over the last 5 years, Bush's leadership has resembled that of a dictatorship. The arrogance of this C student [Bush has Harvard MBA, Streisand has high-school education] who maligns his opponents’ crediblity [sic] by calling them flip floppers, is the biggest flip flopper himself! When debating Al Gore during the 2000 presidential elections, Bush spoke against nation building, yet went into Irag [sic] a year later [sic] to national build [sic]…" Here's a sample of this same rant by the critic of Bush's intellect: The party that holds the majority in both the House and the Senate controls the entire congressional agenda. Everything...

March 11, 2006

Father Of The Year

Some men never get the hang of fatherhood; they make the effort but never quite figure out how to parent a child. Others just never give a damn from the start: A man who was released from jail so that he could donate a kidney to his ailing son was being sought in Mexico yesterday after he went on the run before the organ could be removed. Byron Perkins from Kentucky was awaiting sentencing for drugs and firearms offences and facing a minimum 25 years in prison. But he was allowed out after tearfully convincing officials that he wanted to help his son, Destin, 15, who has dialysis twice a week. Perkins was not wearing an electronic ankle bracelet because doctors told the judge who approved his release it would interfere with medical tests. "He was crying, he was just literally begging the judge," a police spokeswoman told reporters. "He...

March 20, 2006

Were You At The Coup?

Last month I wrote about the barely-veiled call for a coup d'etat sponsored by the group United for Peace and Justice. The march on the White House that was intended to trigger a popular uprising had originally been scheduled for the 15th of this month, but got postponed ... due to temporary sanity, one supposes. UPJ moved the date to today: The National Campaign for Nonviolent Resistance is organizing "From Mourning to Resistance," a March to the Pentagon on Monday, March 20, that will culminate in nonviolent direct action. This March on the Pentagon will begin with a gathering at 9 AM on Daniel French Drive, which is near 23rd and Independence. At 10 AM, there will be a march across the Arlington Memorial Bridge to Lady Bird Johnson Grove, near the Pentagon. At both sites, there will be speakers and music. The speakers are as follows: Bruce Gagnon, a...

March 22, 2006

Moonbat, Jr.

I see the Left has gotten desperate for credible voices for its paranoid conspiracies about the Bush admnistration: Actor Charlie Sheen Questions Official 9/11 Story Calls for truly independent investigation, joins growing ranks of prominent credible whistleblowers Oh, okay. Does his credibility stem from the fact that he was stupid enough to write personal checks to pay for his hookers, or has he just watched (and acted in) one Oliver Stone film too many? Priceless....

March 23, 2006

No Wonder Cell Phones Cause Car Accidents

The Illinois Department of Transportation has some red faces after drivers called their newly-posted traffic information number -- and got blue dialog: Callers to a state road-construction information line Thursday might have been surprised to hear, "We love nasty talk as much as you do." The Illinois Department of Transportation intended newly installed signs along the Dan Ryan Expressway, which will undergo major reconstruction starting later this month, to instruct motorists to call a toll-free number for information on alternate routes. Instead, the initial number posted directed callers wanting "exciting live talk" to another toll-free number, which begins, "Hey there, sexy guy. Welcome to an exciting new way to go live, one on one, with hot, horny girls waiting right now to talk to you." You know what? It's late, and I'm not even going to touch this one ... fill in your own punch line in the comments section....

March 31, 2006

McKinney: Guard Molested Me Because I'm Black

Cynthia McKinney may cause a security crisis all on her own in the nation's capital before she gets done with her moment of infamy. Instead of apologizing for failing to wear proper identification, violating a security checkpoint, ignoring a security officer when he asked her to stop, and then assaulting him when he attempted to detain her, McKinney claims that she has been victimized -- by the racist and sexist molesters who guard the government offices in DC: Rep. Cynthia McKinney, the Georgia congresswoman who had an altercation with a Capitol Police officer, said Friday a Capitol police officer started the incident by "inappropriately touching and stopping" her after she walked past a security checkpoint. McKinney, speaking at a news conference, declared she will be exonerated. "Let me be clear. This whole incident was instigated by the inappropriate touching and stopping of me, a female black congresswoman," McKinney said, surrounded...

April 1, 2006

The First Winner Of The Chef Award

Brian Maloney notes an appearance by Al Franken on yesterday's Today Show that reveals the utter lack of a sense of humor by the supposed comedian. After riffing on the supposed exhaustion of outgoing White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card and his replacement, Joshua Bolten, Franken got very cranky indeed when Michael Smerconish turned the barb back on Franken himself. Newsbusters has the transcript, with Scott Whitlock's commentary: Lauer: "Andrew Card, five and a half years as chief of staff, out. Was he shown the door? And if so, is change good?" Franken: "He was exhausted. I think he's been exhausted since, pretty much, since day one...You know, they point to lousy decisions made recently, but they've been making lousy decisions since, pretty much since- I think they just stayed up too late at the first inaugural." [Franken went on to say that Josh Bolten taking over as chief...

April 3, 2006

Warrants To Be Issued For Idiocy In The First Degree

Cynthia McKinney, the one-woman gang that can only hit straight, faces possible arrest for assaulting a Capitol Hill police officer after failing to properly identify herself or stop at a security checkpoint. Predictably, she and her supporters continued to throw more gasoline on the fire instead of simply shutting up and letting the entire incident pass: Capitol Hill police on Monday asked a federal prosecutor to approve an arrest warrant for Rep. Cynthia McKinney for her role in a scuffle with a police officer last week, the prosecutor's office confirmed. Capitol Police had no immediate comment so it's not yet known whether the intent is to file felony or misdemeanor assault charges against McKinney, a DeKalb County Democrat. Coz Carson, a spokesman for McKinney, said the requested warrant should be dismissed if "this is a prosecutor who's not a politician." "Any prosecutor with any sense can look at this thing...

April 13, 2006

Hot Sex Tips From Michael Douglas

How does a older man keep a vivacious young woman like Catherine Zeta-Jones satisfied, anyway? Michael Douglas apparently told Jay Leno his secret: Michael Douglas has explained how he keeps wife Catherine Zeta-Jones interested in the bedroom. His Oscar-winning other half has no need to lay back and think of Wales to conjure up images of her native home. Her 61-year-old husband told chat show host Jay Leno that he impersonates the earthy Welsh accent of Richard Burton. Damn! Who knew all that was needed was to act drunk and chew the scenery? I'll have to find my copy of Exorcist II: The Heretic before the weekend... What Richard Burton line of dialogue would most likely do the trick? Post it in the comments section!...

April 18, 2006

Next Month's New Flavor Will Be ... Crow. (Update)

For a company that prides itself on political awareness, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream sure doesn't know much about research. The manufacturer of the gourmet desserts introduced a new flavor named after a bar drink, but failed to reckon with Irish memories: Ben & Jerry's, the socially aware ice-cream maker, has apologised to Irish consumers for launching a new flavour evoking the worst days of British military oppression. Tubs of Black and Tan ice-cream have gone on sale this month and prompted complaints that the phrase is not just the name for mixing stout with pale ale. Black and Tans, irate customers explained, was the term for an irregular force of British ex-servicemen recruited during the Irish war of independence and renowned for their brutality, including the 1920 massacre of 12 people at a Dublin football match. The new flavour is only available in the US at present. Back when...

May 13, 2006

And The Lame Shall Run From The Police

McQ at QandO has this priceless CNN report of the miraculous healing power of the Las Vegas Police Department: A wheelchair-bound Los Angeles woman, who has repeatedly filed lawsuits over access for the disabled, got up and ran after police arrested her for fraud, authorities said Thursday. Laura Lee Medley, 35, had sued in at least four California cities over injuries she claimed she sustained while trying to navigate her wheelchair before she was suspected of fraud. Medley, who claimed to be paralyzed from a drunk driving accident, was tracked to Las Vegas where police there took her into custody and then, when she complained of medical issues, to a local hospital, Long Beach prosecutor Belinda Mayes said. ... Medley sprinted through the hospital corridors but was quickly apprehended by police and booked pending extradition to San Bernardino, California, where she is facing charges of filing false documents, attempted grand...

June 23, 2006

When Lucifer Gets Into Oppo Research, Call us

Every once in a while, events remind us that politics can be very entertaining. Today's case in point: John Jacobs, a Utah politician running for Congress, who believes that Satan has made his life difficult ever since announcing his candidacy against Chris Cannon in the Republican primary. Jacobs has had business deals delayed, preventing him from putting as much cash as he would have liked into the campaign: "You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," Jacob said. Asked if he actually believed that "something else" was indeed Satan, Jacob said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people." Jacob initially said the devil was working against...

August 14, 2006

Penny Wise, Pound Foolish

Penn State University has an excellent academic reputation, but it may need to teach a course on common sense in this age of terrorism. A woman transferring from PSU to a Chicago college attempted to save money on her move by mailing her leftover sugar and flour to her new address. Unfortunately, she didn't package the foodstuffs very well, and the leaking white powder set off hazmat alerts: A woman who sent flour and sugar through the mail set off a major hazardous materials response in Pennsylvania when one of her packages leaked, police said. About 80 police officers and firefighters were sent to the State College post office because of what appeared to be a menacing powder. The woman, whose name was not released, told police she was transferring from Penn State to a school in Chicago and was trying to save money by not replacing her flour and...

August 31, 2006

An Unhealthy Fixation

I have often written about the fixation that the Left has on George Bush as a type of illness, which some name Bush Derangement Syndrome. This fixation leads some to blame Bush for all of the world's ills and to consider him more dangerous than terrorists, a nuclear-armed Iran, and just about anything else. It's this kind of thinking that led British filmmakers to create a fantasy-docudrama in which Bush gets assassinated in Chicago (via Hot Air and Michelle Malkin): This is the dramatic moment when President George Bush is gunned down by a sniper after a public address at a hotel, in a gripping new docudrama soon to be aired on TV. Set around October 2007, President Bush is assassinated as he leaves the Sheraton Hotel in Chicago. Death of a President, shot in the style of a retrospective documentary, looks at the effect the assassination of Bush has...

September 1, 2006

A Look Inside Insanity

Last night on the way to a meeting, I listened to a caller on the Hugh Hewitt show absolutely wrong-foot the normally unflappable Hugh when the caller suggested that he could prove that Republicans support Satanic control of world events, as long as we had an "open mind". Hugh asked how he could prove that, and the caller said that a website could prove that Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan conspired to murder John Lennon ... and that Stephen King had carried out the hit. Yes, I mean that Stephen King. Intrigued, I looked up the website and started knocking around it. If one ever wanted to peek inside the mind of a paranoid schizophrenic, this website -- which is completely earnest -- gives one the best possible potential. In its way, it illustrates all the faulty logic, leaps of conjecture, and paranoid thinking that creates conspiracy theories from Right...

September 3, 2006

The Futility Of Applying Reason To Insanity

With the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks fast approaching, the government has busied itself with answering questions raised by conspiracy theorists who fervently believe that the World Trade Center towers had help in their destruction. The State Department and the National Institue of Stantards and Technology both released reports this week proving once again that when big airplanes loaded with jet fuel plow into skyscrapers, it tends to destroy the buildings: The official narrative of the attacks has been attacked as little more than a cover story by an assortment of radio hosts, academics, amateur filmmakers and others who have spread their arguments on the Internet and cable television in America and abroad. As a motive, they suggest that the Bush administration wanted to use the attacks to justify military action in the Middle East. Most elaborately, they propose that the collapse of the World Trade Center was actually caused...

October 13, 2006

Maybe They Should Attend The School Of Hard Knocks

The New York Sun reports that two college students decided that planting fake bombs in the subway would be a humorous way to blow off some midterm steam. New York City officials are less than amused: Police have arrested two college students for placing five fake bombs around the city's subway system as a hoax. Officials said none of the packages – including backpacks, duffel bags, and a plastic tube used to transport documents – contained hazardous material. Robert Barrett, 21, of Angola, N.Y., and Jaime Davis, 21, of Allentown, Pa., were each charged with five counts of placing a false bomb, police said. Police said the satchels were discovered September 28 between noon and 3 p.m., the day police allege they were planted. Subway passengers and transit workers reported the bags inside subway cars and various stations throughout Manhattan and Brooklyn, police sources said. At least one was reported...

November 14, 2006

You Are Not Free To Boogie Across The Country

In all my years, I have never understood the supposed charm of the Mile High Club. In modern jets, the seats are far too cramped, and the bathrooms are worse. The flight experience produces physical reactions closer to a hangover than sexual arousal, and anyone who thinks that mutual sexual gratification can take place under such circumstances probably spends too much time reading Penthouse Forum than this blog. However, apparently the dream remains alive: A California couple are facing federal charges after they refused to stop "overt sexual activity" during a flight to Raleigh, authorities said. Carl Warren Persing of Lakewood, Calif., and Dawn Elizabeth Sewell of Huntington Beach, Calif., are accused of interfering with flight crew members during a Sept. 15 Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles with a stop in Phoenix. ... According to court documents, flight attendants saw Persing and Sewell kissing, embracing and "acting in a...

December 6, 2006

Float Driver Tanks Up

This story is just too weird to ignore. A float driver in a South Carolina parade got drunk and led police on a three-mile chase after swerving out of line during the event -- carrying 18 terrified riders on the float the entire way: A man driving a float in the Anderson Christmas parade has been charged with drunk driving after he passed another float then sped down Main Street, police say. When officers caught up to 42-year-old David Allen Rodgers, he had an open container of alcohol in the truck he used to haul the children and adults on the float for the Steppin' Out Dance Studio, Anderson Police spokeswoman Linda Dudley said. Witnesses said Rodgers was driving in line in Sunday's parade when he pulled out to pass a tractor in the float. Rodgers sped down Main Street and ran a red light, while a witness on the...

December 12, 2006

Insert Dick Cheney Joke Here

For those who do not know, the First Mate is totally blind -- no sight whatsoever. Nevertheless, she handles lots of tasks that people might assume she would find impossible. She's an accomplished cook -- as anyone who sees me would immediately assume -- and takes care of all the household tasks. She gardens when she's healthy, and she sometimes works in a church day-care center. She hates it when people say it, but she's amazing. However, even as amazing as she might be, I'd be hard pressed to put a gun in her hands and expect her to hunt for our dinner: The blind will be able to go hunting if a Texas Bill becomes law. They would have to be accompanied by a sighted hunter, who would help to guide their shots, and carry proof that they were legally blind. The law will also allow them to use...

February 3, 2007

The Force Came To Get Him

It's hard out here for a Wookie. First, clone armies supposedly helping you wind up shooting up your home planet. Then you get stuck on the worst-looking hyperspace vehicle in seven systems, piloted by an undisciplined cowboy who inexplicably winds up with a galactic princess, making you a hairy third wheel. Finally, some tour guide accuses you of molesting Japanese tourists and gets you fired from your worst gig ever. Who wouldn't snap? A man dressed as Chewbacca was arrested after police said the street performer head-butted a tour guide operator in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Frederick Evan Young, 44, of Los Angeles, California, was booked Thursday for investigation of misdemeanor battery, police Lt. Paul Vernon said. Police said the 6-foot-4 street performer was seen arguing Thursday afternoon with a tour guide who had expressed concern that the Star Wars wookie impersonator was "harassing and touching tourists"...

February 6, 2007

The Really Wrong Stuff

Even in a program full of American heroes, some oddities will emerge, and usually in the most embarrassing circumstances. Such is the case with the space program and three of its astronauts, one of whom has been arrested for plotting the murder of the second in order to secure the affection of the third. Shuttle astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak drove a thousand miles to murder Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman after discovering that her paramour, astronaut Bill Oefelein, had two-timed her: Nowak -- who was a mission specialist on a Discovery launch last summer -- was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn't have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive. Reports show that after U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman's flight arrived, Nowak followed her...

March 4, 2007

I Love An Endangered Language Too, But This Goes A Little Too Far

In my pre-blog days, before CQ literally ate all my other hobbies, I studied the Irish language and had become a conversational speaker of an Gaeilge. Is Gaeilgeoirí mé, or at least I used to be, and there was a sense of mission in helping to keep a threatened language from dying altogether. Irish is only spoken by a million people altogether, and much fewer than that as an everyday language; for more information, Gaeltacht Minnesota's website is a great resource. The Catalan language is similarly threatened, in this case by Spanish. However, I don't think that the Irish would have approved the Catalonian approach to saving their, er, tongue: It is homage to Catalonia as never seen before. A Spanish pornographer has been given nearly £10,000 of public money to make a series of blue movies, promoting the Catalan language. Pro-separatist authorities in the Catalan region of north-east Spain...

March 8, 2007

A Darwin Award Nominee

One finds many colorful characters here in the Upper Midwest, especially when the heavy snows hit and people start getting a bit of cabin fever. The vast majority of intelligent, erudite Northerners will use that time to do constructive projects or perhaps participate in some creative work. The tiny minority of mouthbreathers attempt to sterilize themselves so that that minority continues to decline: Attempts to do a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges. The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the "Jackass" movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire. Jared W. Anderson, 20, suffered serious burns to his hands and genitals, according to the criminal complaint. Randell D. Peterson, 43, who sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson and lit him on fire, was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment Tuesday in Eau...

March 20, 2007

Protect The Polar Bears By Killing Them

Animal-rights activists serve often as examples of unintended humor, but perhaps none more so than the protectors of nonhumans in Germany. Incensed that a zoo acted to save the life of a polar-bear cub abandoned by its mother, they have demanded that the zoo kill the cub -- in order to comply with animal protection statutes: A fluffy polar bear cub called Knut, who has become a media celebrity, should be given a lethal injection according to German zoologists, who say he has become too dependent on humans. Their controversial claims have provoked a public outcry and a debate about the treatment of zoo animals. The male cub is the first baby polar bear to survive in Berlin zoo for 30 years. After he was born on December 5 last year, his mother, Tosca, a grumpy 20-year-old former East German circus bear, put Knut and his brother out to die...

April 7, 2007

The Unfriendly Skies

We Minnesotans have a lot of experience with Northwest Airlines, as they own 70% of the gates at our international airport. We rely on them for almost all of our non-stop service, thanks to the hub-and-spoke system -- and for the most part, they provide reasonably good service. However, it seems that if a pilot lands more headlines than airplanes, it's usually an NWA pilot. We've seen pilots arrested for drunken operation of aircraft and a plane that landed at the wrong airport ... well, actually, a military base, to be exact. Now it appears we have the first case of potential air rage: A Northwest Airlines flight was canceled because the pilot was yelling obscenities during a cell phone conversation while people were boarding, and cursed one passenger, a federal official said Saturday. The pilot of the Las Vegas-to-Detroit flight was apparently in a heated cell phone conversation in...

April 11, 2007

The Educational Value Of Junkets

A few days ago, I wrote about the bill proposed by Michigan Democrats in the state legislature to buy an i-Pod for every Michigan student, supposedly for educational purposes. The plan would cost an already-strapped state government an additional $36 million, adding to their billion-dollar deficit, causing many observers to wonder where Democrats Matt Gillard and Andy Dillon came up with the idea. Today, the Detroit Free Press answers that question. It turns out that Apple paid for their travel to visit their corporate offices in California: Two state lawmakers backing a controversial plan to buy iPods for every schoolchild in Michigan were among a group of politicians who made a trip to California that was paid for at least in part by Apple, the maker of iPods. The 2 1/2 -day trip earlier this year covered a range of issues and interaction on topics related to Michigan. It included...

April 12, 2007

Doubling Down On Sleaze

A husband and wife, struggling through unemployment, place a resumé on line, and a placement firm notices it and invites the couple to an interview. The husband completes an application and a first interview, and everything seems fine. However, when the placement firm calls back, they want the wife to accompany the husband for the second interview, which seems rather strange -- until the "counselor" gets to the point at the end of the presentation. After regaling the couple with tales of how difficult it is to find placement, and how traditional headhunters (who get paid by the employer) eat into the compensation plan offered by companies, the placement firm tells the couple that for just over $4,000, they are 90% sure they can find the husband a job. Sound like a scam? That's what Katherine Coble thought, too, and she blogged about her experiences with Tennessee placement firm JL...

April 21, 2007

Just The Fax, Ma'am

Kentucky officials released a violent man, who had beaten an elderly man, from a psychiatric facility after receiving a faxed order from the state supreme court demanding his release. Afterwards, the facility expressed surprise that the court had started convening in a local grocery store: Officials released a prisoner from a state facility after receiving a phony fax that ordered the man be freed, and didn't catch the mistake for nearly two weeks. Timothy Rouse, 19, is charged with beating an elderly western Kentucky man and was at the Kentucky Correctional & Psychiatric Center in La Grange for a mental evaluation. He was released from that facility on April 6 after officials received the fake court order. It contained grammatical errors, was not typed on letterhead and was faxed from a local grocery store. The fax falsely claimed that the Kentucky Supreme Court "demanded" Rouse be released. Lexington police arrested...

April 24, 2007

I Thought Cho Tabloidism Was Bad Enough

I just received a press release from WellTunes that I literally could not believe until I read it twice. WellTunes offers New-Agey CDs of music that "brings together modern psychology and Scripture to carry the Word to your heart and mind." Apparently that isn't enough to sell the product, because now Welltunes wants to leverage the Virginia Tech massacre to really convince people that they need WellTunes to avoid becoming a mass murderer. Here's the release: WellTunes Music Founder is Available for Interviews The recent massacre at Virginia Tech reveals that severe depression and profound unhap-piness can have horrific consequences. Although we all seek happiness, why is it that we are ten times more likely to suffer from depression than our grandparents? Having so much more than they did, how did we get to be so unhappy, and how do we change? Designed by psychologist and radio broadcaster Dr. Roy...

July 6, 2007

Where's The Mother For This Drunk Driver?

This story is so wrong on so many levels that it's hardly possible to know where to begin: Police who chased a car for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph said the driver was drunk, hardly a rarity in this resort town. But there was more: When they looked inside the flipped vehicle with guns drawn, they found an 11-year-old girl at the wheel. Eleven. The girl probably just got out of the fifth grade. Good Lord. It gets worse: [Assistant police Chief Greg] Duck said the girl, whose name was not released because of her age, told police she was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert. The eleven-year-old had to pick up her sister in the family car? How old was the concert-goer -- six? The questions just bubble up on this story. Where are her parents? How did she...

July 12, 2007

Idiots

Earlier today, a Hindu minister started to give the benediction on the Senate floor. This honor traditionally is offered to a diverse range of representatives of the many faiths that live together in peace and freedom in the United States, a testament to our belief in religious liberty. Unfortunately, he couldn't complete his benediction because of a few idiots who apparently believe that Christianity means acting rudely to others. And as Americans, they're hardly the kind of ambassadors we need, either. The Times of India noticed the display: Christian activists briefly disrupted a Hindu invocation in the US Senate on Thursday, marring a historic first for the chamber and showing that fundamentalism is present and shouting in the US too. Invited by the Senate to offer Hindu prayers in place of the usual Christian invocation, Rajan Zed, a Hindu priest from Reno, Nevada, had just stepped up to the podium...

Idiots

Earlier today, a Hindu minister started to give the benediction on the Senate floor. This honor traditionally is offered to a diverse range of representatives of the many faiths that live together in peace and freedom in the United States, a testament to our belief in religious liberty. Unfortunately, he couldn't complete his benediction because of a few idiots who apparently believe that Christianity means acting rudely to others. And as Americans, they're hardly the kind of ambassadors we need, either. The Times of India noticed the display: Christian activists briefly disrupted a Hindu invocation in the US Senate on Thursday, marring a historic first for the chamber and showing that fundamentalism is present and shouting in the US too. Invited by the Senate to offer Hindu prayers in place of the usual Christian invocation, Rajan Zed, a Hindu priest from Reno, Nevada, had just stepped up to the podium...

July 19, 2007

When Visiting The Zoo, Stop And Try Their Deli

The zoo at Erfurt, Germany really loves animals. Apparently they love them so much that they just have to share them with people -- as stew, fricasee, sishkebab, and steaks. German authorities discovered a clandestine slaughterhouse that sold meat ranging from venison to guinea pigs: Lots of people like looking at animals in zoos. Lots of people also like eating meat. However the thought of the two things together tends to turn most people's stomachs. But not all apparently. Employees at the Erfurt zoo, it was revealed Wednesday, have for years been killing animals and selling their meat for zoo stew. Germany is outraged. ... The animals killed were all "slaughterable" animals such as goats, sheep, pigs and deer, said Erfurt city hall spokeswoman Inga Hettstedt, and the meat was not sold to restaurants. However the mass circulation newspaper Bild reported Thursday that ducks, quails and even guinea pigs were...

July 31, 2007

Unclear On The Concept

A sixteen-year-old boy got arrested on "soft drug" charges in Germany, and got remanded to a children's home for observation and care. He kept testing positive for marijuana even though he couldn't leave the home. They checked his pockets and found a packet of pot -- a care package from his mother: A mother regularly sent her 16-year son packets of cannabis into the children's home where he had been placed in care, German police said. "She apparently didn't want her son to feel bad," Detlev Kaldinski, spokesman for the police in Rotenburg, central Germany, told SPIEGEL ONLINE. The 39-year-old single mother now faces a charge of breaching German drug laws. Her son had been committed to the home for abuse of soft drugs. She had sent her son pot five times since his entry to the home. Apparently, Mummy didn't want to see her son suffer, so she decided...

August 5, 2007

Starve For Mother Gaia

According to Dominic Kennedy at the Times of London, taking a walk to local shops increases global warming more than taking a car there. In fact, the diesel locomotives used for mass transit do more damage than the individual cars of those who eschew public transit do, and food production is the biggest culprit of all. Starving for Mother Gaia may be the only option left (via Memeorandum): Walking does more than driving to cause global warming, a leading environmentalist has calculated. Food production is now so energy-intensive that more carbon is emitted providing a person with enough calories to walk to the shops than a car would emit over the same distance. The climate could benefit if people avoided exercise, ate less and became couch potatoes. Provided, of course, they remembered to switch off the TV rather than leaving it on standby. The sums were done by Chris Goodall,...

August 7, 2007

Insert Your Pun Here

Before I begin this post in earnest, I have to tell readers that I struggled mightily not to write about this local story. I know it has no resonance to overarching policy or national issues, or to anything remotely substantial. Like Allie Shah at the Star Tribune, though, it's impossible to let pass without at least some comment. Police in St. Paul are on the lookout for missing testicles and the men who stole them: A St. Paul man, complaining of chronic pain, wanted to have his testicles removed. When conventional medical staff refused to do the job, he hired other "professionals" to take off his testicles, according to a search warrant affidavit filed Monday in Ramsey County District Court. Two or three people operated on the man, Russell Daniel Angus, 62, a couple weeks ago at his home in St. Paul. He was unconscious during the surgery, and when...

August 8, 2007

Prosecuting The Victim?

I hope that the AP somehow got this story wrong, because if they have it correct, the Air Force has some explaining to do. A woman who filed rape charges now faces related charges -- and the Air Force has given immunity to her attackers: A female airman says she faces a court-martial next month because she refused to testify against three male airmen she accused of rape. The woman is charged with one count of committing indecent acts and one count of consuming alcohol as a minor. The defense says the charges involve the same men she accused of raping her. ... The men received nonjudicial punishments and have been granted immunity for their testimony in the woman's trial, according to documents the defense provided. Can the Air Force really be this tone-deaf and clueless? If the woman consumed alcohol illegally, it pales in comparison to the alleged attack...

August 17, 2007

The Ghoul And The Fool

Patty Murray managed to sucker her fellow Democrats into looking like exploitative idiots two weeks ago, but not many media sources caught the Senator from Washington in her fib. Murray, who made headlines by pointing out Osama bin Laden's educational career after 9/11, used the St. Anthony Bridge collapse to rail against the Bush administration's supposed callousness towards our nation's infrastructure. The Hill and the Seattle Times noted the exchanges (h/t CQ reader Stoo): A day after the bridge collapsed in Minneapolis, Sen. Patty Murray joined other Senate Democrats to accuse the Bush administration of failing to maintain the country's bridges. And she had a dynamite anecdote: "I have learned of a bridge where school buses have to stop and let all of the children out and pick them up on the other side because of weight restrictions." The Hill reports that the anecdote was quickly repeated by Senate Majority...

August 22, 2007

An Environmentalist Against Trees?

Bette Midler has long championed environmentalist causes, but apparently that didn't stop her from cutting down 230 trees on her Hawaiian property. The state will fine The Compost Queen $6500 for removing the trees and grading a road without the proper permits: Bette Midler cut down more than 230 trees around one of her properties on the island of Kauai without a permit, and the state has recommended she be fined. The staff of the Board of Land and Natural Resources recommended $6,500 in fines for having the trees felled and for building a graded road without permits required for the land zoned for conservation use. ... The actress and movie star, who was born in Honolulu, didn't realize permits were needed to remove the trees on a vacant 58,000-square-foot parcel of land on Kauai's North Shore, Graham said. "The whole idea with cutting the trees down was with the...

August 25, 2007

HuffPo Calls For Military Coup In USA

The Huffington Post published a plea to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs today to arrest George Bush for "conduct unbecoming" -- essentially, a military coup against the elected government of the United States. Martin Lewis claims that the military can arrest a President while not conducting a coup d'etat by focusing only on his role as Commander in Chief of the military: General Pace - you have the power to fulfill your responsibility to protect the troops under your command. Indeed you have an obligation to do so. You can relieve the President of his command. Not of his Presidency. But of his military role as Commander-In-Chief. ... In addition to relieving him of his command as Commander-In-Chief, you also have authority to place the President under MILITARY arrest. Lewis quotes extensively from the Uniform Code of Military Justice, but clearly his scholarship does not extend to the Constitution....

August 28, 2007

Did Fred Phelps Move To Israel?

Even if Fred Phelps didn't move to Israel, it looks like he's opened a franchise there. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, the leader of the ultra-conservative Shas faction, has declared that Israeli soldiers die because they're not devout enough: An influential and outspoken rabbi has said Israeli soldiers died in battle because they were not ritually observant Jews, sparking outrage. ... “Is it any wonder if, heaven forbid, soldiers are killed in a war, when they don't observe the Sabbath, they don't observe the Torah, they don't pray every day, they don't put on phylacteries every day? Is it any wonder that they're killed?” “It's no wonder.” This is not an isolated incident. Yosef once called Hurricane Katrina God's curse on the US for supporting the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. He asked God to strike down Ariel Sharon at the time, and called another Israeli politician "Satan". In other words, he could...

September 10, 2007

Kanye West: MTV Hates Black People, Too

Two years ago, rapper Kanye West made headlines by accusing George Bush of hating black people in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. The hate continues, as West threw a tantrum over not winning an MTV award for any of his five nominations last night: Rapper Kanye West threw a tantrum in front of media after missing out on the five awards he was nominated for. "That's two years in a row, man... give a black man a chance," West said. "I'm trying hard, man, I have the... number one record, man." West, who gatecrashed the stage at the MTV Europe Awards after failing to win the prize for best video, said he would never return to MTV. This was just the capper on a night that MTV will want to forget. Their evening featured a fight between Pamela Anderson husbands Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, the latter of whom got...

September 11, 2007

Bad News For The Truthers

One of the more enduring myths of the 9/11 truther movement involves the rapid collapse of the Twin Towers after being hit by the commercial jets six years ago today. The conspiracy theorists insist that a self-initiated collapse could not have occurred, and even if it did, it could not have progressed so rapidly. Their theory has government agents spending two weeks in the building, planting explosives without disturbing the offices in the building, and waiting for that special day when a couple of planes hitting the towers would give them an excuse to demolish them. Instead, their theories on the impossibility of collapse just got demolished at Cambridge: The study by a Cambridge University engineer demonstrates that once the collapse of the twin towers began, it was destined to be rapid and total. ... Dr Seffen was able to calculate the "residual capacity" of the undamaged building: that is,...

September 13, 2007

When Veggies Attack

Guns don't kill people -- plantains do. At least they drive grocery-store workers to murderous rage, according to the Orange County Register. One worker stabbed another at the end of a fistfight over how to stack vegetables: Among the piles of plantains and cucumbers at La Carreta Supermarket on Chapman Avenue, the two men stacking produce began bickering about the right way and the wrong way to do their job, police said. The argument became physical and the two men took it outside, throwing punches in the store's parking lot, said Orange police Sgt. Dan Adams. That's when it got ugly. Abraham Marquez, 24, pulled out a steak knife, stabbed his co-worker in the arm, Adams said. Someone driving down the street saw the brawl and called police. Even with shoppers and workers in the store, it was the only call police received about the fight. Marquez ran, leaving his...

September 14, 2007

He'll Scour The Golf Courses Looking For The Real Thief

Guess who's back in the sights of investigators? Following a theft of sports memorabilia at Palace Station Casino, law enforcement confirmed that they interrogated OJ Simpson in connection to the crime: Metro police confirmed early Friday morning that O.J. Simpson was questioned in connection to a theft at the Palace Station Casino. Police spokesman Jose Montoya said Simpson was questioned about a hotel room break-in at the casino late Thursday night. Montoya said the theft involved sports memorabilia, but offered no further details. Police said Simpson has been released and is believed to be in Las Vegas. Palace Station is a second-tier casino, but a good place to stay anonymous and gamble lightly. I'd say that it's a good place to stay out of trouble, but OJ can't manage to do even that much. And besides, he owes Fred Goldman $33 million -- what's he doing at a casino? Las...

September 17, 2007

Isn't Your Mommy Calling You?

Note to e-mailers: if you use the word "retarded" as a counterargument to something I wrote, I am not going to take you seriously. I am going to assume you have just started your middle-school classes, and are making yourself late for the bus. As my partner Mitch says, that is all....

October 5, 2007

I Guess Children Should Be Seen And Not Heard

That seems to be the operating philosophy of Bush Derangement Syndrome sufferers in Lancaster County, PA. When George Bush passed through for a visit on Wednesday, workers from a local day-care center led three dozen children in singing songs to greet the President as he arrived. That set off the BDS contingent, who made sure no one heard the children singing: But for nearly three dozen youngsters from the U-Gro child care center, located just off the president's motorcade route on Stony Battery Road, it was all about waving hand-drawn flags, singing songs and holding banners welcoming to Lancaster one of the most powerful men in the world. "What an opportunity this is for our children," center director Liz Burkhard said while herding children ages 4 to 6 into a compact, orderly row behind the yellow police tape lining Stony Battery at Church Street. One group of protesters quickly descended...

Code Pink Supports The Troops In Their Own Special Way

As the Left continues its hysteria over the misrepresentation of Rush Limbaugh's remarks, one wonders when they will denounce Code Pink. In Berkeley, the anti-war contingent defaced a Marine recruiting office, calling Marines predators on children and accusing them of murdering them (via Michelle Malkin and Gateway Pundit): Marine Captain Richard Lund recruits college students and graduates as candidates for officer positions in the marines. But carrying out that job in Berkeley is not always an easy task. He has listened to a variety of complaints from members of the anti-war group Code Pink in recent weeks. "We are so shocked and horrified that the Marines have come to Berkeley to prey on our children," said Zanne Joi, a Code Pink member. Last week, the Code Pink group protested by defacing the recruiting center and calling the recruiters liars. So Rush Limbaugh supposedly calls dissenting soldiers "phony" -- he didn't,...

October 16, 2007

Another Liberal Fantasy Hits Hard Reality

Earlier today, the port side of the blogosphere erupted in righteous indignation as reports that Air America radio host Randi Rhodes got mugged began to swirl. Many bloggers started blaming a nameless conservative mugger, and then began extending the indictment to the entire conservative movement. It served their prejudices to think that conservative meanies would lay in wait for Rhodes just to keep her from speaking Truth to Power, etc etc etc. The only fly in the ointment? Rhodes never got mugged at all (via Michelle Malkin): Air America radio host Randi Rhodes is temporarily off the air, but claims she was brutally attacked near her Manhattan apartment are bogus, her lawyer and a police source said today. Fellow host Jon Elliott claimed on the liberal radio network that Rhodes had been mugged while walking her dog, Simon, on Sunday night. Elliot, who said Rhodes lost several teeth in the...

October 20, 2007

E-Mail Fraud: Not Just For Nigeria Any More

Most Internet users have grown sophisticated enough to know that former princes in Nigeria don't realy need their assistance to transfer funds to the United States. They sympathize with those correspondents who have just been diagnosed with terminal illnesses but resist the widely-broadcast plea to become executors of their estates -- with the odd requirement to place large amounts of cash in escrow first. With a few exceptions, including a minister's wife who wound up murdering her husband after blowing $14,000 on an e-mail scam, Americans know better than to fall prey to the scamsters. Unfortunately, that doesn't apply to corporations. Minnesota-based Supervalu sent millions of dollars into fraudulent accounts because of an e-mail scam that the supermarket chain never bothered to confirm: Supervalu Inc., the Eden Prairie-based grocer, fell prey to an e-mail scam this year, sending more than $10 million to two fraudulent bank accounts, according to federal...

October 23, 2007

The Nobel Glory Of Doris Lessing

The Nobel committee has certainly fallen on desperate times, and especially so this year. First they award a peace prize to Al Gore for his global-warming hysterics, apparently because the science committee understood the extent of his exaggerations in An Inconvenient Truth. They awarded the literature prize to British author Doris Lessing, who disqualified herself for the peace prize by claiming that Americans were just too sensitive about having 3,000 murdered by terrorists on 9/11 (via Memeorandum): Nobel laureate Doris Lessing said the Sept. 11 attacks in the United States were "not that terrible" when compared to attacks by the IRA in Britain. "September 11 was terrible, but if one goes back over the history of the IRA, what happened to the Americans wasn't that terrible," the Nobel Literature Prize winner told the leading Spanish daily El Pais. "Some Americans will think I'm crazy. Many people died, two prominent buildings...

October 26, 2007

'How Dare You!'

You won't see me say this often, but I want to thank Bill Clinton for his speech Wednesday in Minnesota. I don't agree with his policies and I certainly don't want his wife to win the White House, but Bill Clinton said something that needed to be said -- to 9/11 Truthers. A small group of them disrupted his campaign stop, and the former President got a little angry. Our local affiliate has the footage: Here's the rest of the quote: One heckler shouted that 9/11 was a fraud, and Clinton bristled. "No, it wasn't a fraud. I'll be glad to talk about it if you'll shut up and let me talk." The heckling continued, and he told another heckler "these people did not come here to hear you speak. If you don't have any self-control, we can deal with that." When a third called 9/11 an "inside job," Clinton...

December 23, 2007

When Santas Go Bad

I decided to take most of the day off today and will work a limited schedule tomorrow, but this little news item is just too weird to pass up. Santa Claus will have to add himself to the list of bad boys in New Zealand as fifty Santas went on a drunken rampage at a movie theater, frightening the filmwatchers: A gang of about 50 apparently drunken Santas invaded a New Zealand cinema complex at the weekend -- frightening customers, damaging property and swearing, the cinema's manager said Monday. Thought by police to be university students dressed in Santa suits, the group did a lightning 20-second raid on Hoyts Cinema complex in the South Island city of Christchurch on Saturday, manager Derek Rive said. You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry .... you'd better not pout, or I'll blacken your eye ... Kiwi Clauses will sack the town!...

December 26, 2007

Stop A Fire, Go To Jail

The city of La Habra Heights sits on the eastern end of Los Angeles County, among foothills filled with brush and trees. It has some spectacular views but also has the potential for some spectacular fires. The city does not have a full-time fire department but relies on a two-truck volunteer force, located at one end of the city. When George Edwardz decided to buy a pumper truck to augment the response capabilities of La Habra Heights, he thought that the city would appreciate the help. Instead, they threatened him with prosecution: Edwardz, 39, an executive vice president of a communications firm that does satellite work for TV broadcasters, has lived in La Habra Heights for five years. He bought his 1980 four-wheel-drive pumper truck for $7,200 from a department in Montour Falls, N.Y., in early 2006 after becoming alarmed at the slow response to his neighborhood. Sometimes, he said,...

December 28, 2007

A Heartwarming Display Of Christianity At Its Birthplace

The Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, tradition has it, is located on the spot where Jesus was born. The church itself honors the birthplace of the Prince of Peace, who called all humanity to love one another as they do themselves. What better place to have a recurring brawl between His followers? On Thursday, dozens of priests and cleaners were scrubbing the church ahead of the Armenian and Orthodox Christmas, celebrated in early January. Thousands of tourists visited the church this week for Christmas celebrations. But the clean-up turned ugly after some of the Orthodox faithful stepped inside the Armenian church's section, touching off a scuffle between about 50 Greek Orthodox and 30 Armenians. advertisement Palestinian police, armed with batons and shields, quickly formed a human cordon to separate the two sides so the cleaning could continue, then ordered an Associated Press photographer out of the church. It's not...

January 2, 2008

Light 'Em If You Got 'Em?

The man responsible for enforcing a smoking ban in Portugal needs a refresher course on its parameters, as well as a nicotine patch for himself. The day that the new ban went into effect, Antonio Nunes decided to light one up in a casino -- one of the areas where cigarette smoking is prohibited: The head of the Portuguese agency responsible for enforcing a new ban on smoking in public was seen lighting up at a New Year party, breaking the law on the first day it came into effect. Antonio Nunes, president of Portugal's food standards agency, was photographed by the daily Diario de Noticias smoking a cigar at a casino on the outskirts of Lisbon. Nunes told the daily he was not aware the anti-smoking law, which applies to cafes, restaurants and bars, also included casinos. But a spokesman for the Ministry of Health said it did. "We...

January 9, 2008

Getting Caught In The Rain

Remember the "Pina Colada Song"? Rupert Holmes' ditty to coincidental infidelity has improbably survived the 70's to appear in movies such as Shrek, even more improbably. In Poland, the song got a little off-key -- and off-color: A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town. So I waited with high hopes And she walked in the place I knew her smile in an instant I knew the curve of her face It was my own lovely lady And she said, "Oh it's you." It didn't turn out quite like Rupert sang back in the day. Instead of sipping drinks in the dunes of the cape, the pair...

January 11, 2008

But Did He Confess?

Security inspectors see just about every possible dodge known to man when it comes to smuggling dope across the border. Today, someone decided to try using one known to A Higher Power. A man dressed as a Catholic priest tried using his supposed religious status to get past inspectors in a Dutch airport with almost eight pounds of cocaine strapped to his body under his robes: A man claiming to be a Catholic priest was arrested Friday at Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport after he was caught carrying 7.7 pounds of cocaine under his robes, a spokesman for Dutch border police said. The suspect, whose identity was being traced, initially refused to undergo a routine body check "for religious reasons," spokesman Robert van Kapel said. He said the man was then spotted lining up at a different entrance gate. He was searched and the drugs were found in packages taped to his...

February 4, 2008

One In Five Brits Think Churchill Never Existed?

Every once in a while, some pollster comes up with a survey that shows what idiots Westerners can be. They especially like to pick on Americans and their rather insular attitude towards geography, being unable in large numbers to actually find Iraq on a globe or to identify the correct continent for Guyana (South America, in case anyone asks). Jay Leno has a running gag on the Tonight Show where he goes out in the street and asks people simple questions and films them getting the answers spectacularly wrong. So I have some sympathy with our friends in Britain this morning, who have to be slapping their heads with the results of a poll taken by a television production company that found 23% of their fellow countrymen didn't believe that Winston Churchill actually existed: Britons are losing their grip on reality, according to a poll out Monday which showed that...

February 20, 2008

Don't Try The Sausages At Joe Delucci's

When people go to a restaurant, they usually expect courteous service, hot and tasty food, and a reasonable bill. Clare Watkin got much more from an Italian restaurant in Staffordshire in the UK. Printed on the bill was an invitation to get to know the waiter in an up close and personal manner: First she waited 45 minutes to place her order. Then she waited more than an hour for the food. Then she saw the bill. Clare Watkin was out with a group of friends Friday at an Italian steak restaurant in the English town of Lichfield, about 125 miles north of London when she found "absolutely disgusting language" printed on her bill, the British Broadcasting Corp. reported. The BBC Web site carried what it said was a copy of the bill, with the message — a crude invitation to oral sex — printed between the cabernet sauvignon and...