Ed Morrissey has blogged at Captain's Quarters since 2003, and has a daily radio show at BlogTalkRadio, where he serves as Political Director. Called "Captain Ed" by his readers, Ed is a father and grandfather living in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, a native Californian who moved to the North Star State because of the weather.
CapQ Caption Contest! (Bumped: Photo Crank Added)
We haven't had a caption contest for quite some time here, and what better day to do it than the first working day of the political year? With the Iowa caucuses around the corner and a full year of campaigning both behind us and ahead of us, we need a few laughs. Here's a picture of Hillary Clinton on the Iowa stump, apparently signaling ... something:
So what was Hillary signaling? Give us your best caption ideas in the comments section only. Anyone sending e-mailed captions will have to draw flowcharts of Hillary's position on drivers licenses for illegal immigrants. I'll try to pick the winner during my more-or-less live coverage of the Iowa caucuses tomorrow evening. If any blogger wishes to serve as judge for the contest, I'll be sure to give the requisite pluggage.
Have fun, and remember -- Hillary's keeping an eye on you!
UPDATE & BUMP: Lots of great captions in the comments, but also in the new Photo Crank option I added late yesterday. This makes a pretty good way to do caption contests; people can make them directly onto the picture, and everyone can vote on the submissions. Check it out and let me know what you think. You just need to click on the blue bar at the bottom of the photo to add your own caption or vote on others.
Karl Rove, Checking Implants (Update: Caption Contest!)
Remember the scene from Blade Runner where Decker interrogates suspects to determine whether they're replicants? Well, it turns out that an implant check largely follows the same kind of procedures:
KR: When you see a New York Times editoral, how does it make you feel?
CQ: Sad, as though something once brilliant has died and still doesn't realize it ... like the network news programs.
KR: It's working!
Come on ... secretly you knew that this really happens, didn't you?
Addendum: We kid, Karl, we kid. We kid because the implant told me to do so.
UPDATE: Oh, let's have more fun at my expense. Let's make this a Caption Contest. Be sure to put your entries in the comments section -- no e-mail entries, please! -- and I'll pick a winner by Sunday night.
Caption Contest Winners!
With The Sopranos about to start, it's time to announce the winners of the latest Caption Contest. Just to remind everyone, the subject was this photograph of John Negroponte and Michael Hayden conferring over a pitcher of water:
Here are the winners:
1st place -- Keaukina: "It's a very important test-- you drink it all down, then they see if you leak..."
2nd place -- Hurricane567: Here we see DNI John Negroponte and Gen. Michael Hayden bracing themselves for Washington's 6th Annual Head Butt Days.
3rd place -- Bar Code King: "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon... er, Minoxodil?"
Honorable Mention #1 -- Billyoblog: "Oh, by the way, you're not related to anybody named Tom, are you ?"
Honorable Mention #2 -- Liberal Goodman: "Let's try it again. First lean right together, then left TOGETHER."
Comments will remain open to honor the winners, slander the judge, come up with more flashes of wit, or for other lunatic rants. Thanks to all who entered, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
Caption Contest Winners!
With The Sopranos about to start, it's time to announce the winners of the latest Caption Contest. Just to remind everyone, the subject was this photograph of John Negroponte and Michael Hayden conferring over a pitcher of water:
Here are the winners:
1st place -- Keaukina: "It's a very important test-- you drink it all down, then they see if you leak..."
2nd place -- Hurricane567: Here we see DNI John Negroponte and Gen. Michael Hayden bracing themselves for Washington's 6th Annual Head Butt Days.
3rd place -- Bar Code King: "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon... er, Minoxodil?"
Honorable Mention #1 -- Billyoblog: "Oh, by the way, you're not related to anybody named Tom, are you ?"
Honorable Mention #2 -- Liberal Goodman: "Let's try it again. First lean right together, then left TOGETHER."
Comments will remain open to honor the winners, slander the judge, come up with more flashes of wit, or for other lunatic rants. Thanks to all who entered, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
Captain's Caption Contest: Intelligence Edition
With all of the kerfuffle over the resignation of Porter Goss and the possible selection of General Michael Hayden as his successor, it gives us an opportunity to revisit an old CQ tradition -- the caption contest! Here we see Hayden conferring with his boss, DNI John Negroponte, oblivious to the suspicious pitcher of water sitting between them:
What do you imagine is going on in this conversation? Leave your best caption in the comments section, which will remain open until The Sopranos airs on Sunday evening. As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section -- NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be intercepted by the NSA and delivered to black helicopters in your neighborhoods awaiting Karl Rove's next command.
Let the games begin!
Caption Contest Winners!
Uncle Saddy wants to send his appreciation for the 228 entries he got for his saucy little pose in CQ's special Caption Contest. He wants to assure all of you that he appreciates your tongue-in-cheek jokes about his present situation ... although he did mention something about removing your tongues from your cheeks if he "ever gets out of this *&^%^% place," or words to that effect.
Knowing what a fair kind of guy Uncle Saddy is, I'm sure he'd like to visit each of you personally, but Peyton Randolph has selected the ones who will be at the top of his list. Just think -- the winners could find this on their doorstep one day, ringing their bell:
Without further ado, here are Peyton's picks:
Best Political Link:
I'm innocent, I tell you. At the time those crimes were committed, I was at a Kinko's in Abilene, sending some faxes.
Posted by: Dave at October 19, 2005 08:33 PM
Best and First With a Great Idea:
"Not only are we going to Ramadi, we're going to Falluja and Tikrit and Najaf and Karbala and Al Hillah and we're going to Dialya and Sulimaniya and Arbil. And we're going to Kirkuk and Arbil and Qut and Basra. And then we're going to Baghdad to take back the Palace. Yeeeaaaaarrgh."
Posted by: Eric Akawie at October 19, 2005 09:27 PM
Best and First With Wardrobe Advice:
"You're going to like the way you look, I guarantee it!"
Posted by: jc at October 19, 2005 10:51 PM
Best Nepotism Award:
Saddam: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
Posted by: CopperBeech (Peyton’s lovely bride) at October 23, 2005 07:56 AM
Captain's Award - Best Overall Caption:
"...And I would have succeeded, too- if it wasn't for those nosey kids in their 'Mystery Machine', and that weird dog of theirs!"
Posted by: ERNurse at October 22, 2005 06:59 PM
So ERNurse gets the overall Captain's Award! Congratulations, ERNurse. Send me your contact information, and I will send you a copy of the Weekly Standard's anniversary compendium of essays. Great job, Peyton, and thanks again for your help and your inspiration for this contest.
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage my intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Captain's Caption Contest: The Saddam Special (Update And Bump!)
It's been a long time since we've had a Captain's Caption Contest -- I got focused on more serious work, and had a heck of a time finding guest judges. However, we have a special occasion to celebrate at this time. It's a coming-out party of sorts, a kind of Genocidal Madman Debutante Ball. In fact, for those lucky enough to catch the trial of Saddam Hussein live this morning, we even got to see Uncle Saddy dancing with his guards for a moment, before he gave them a go-hither stare.
Thanks to a suggestion from long-time loyal reader Peyton Randolph, we're going to have a blast from the past and do a Caption Contest just like in the old days. Here to explain the rules is Uncle Saddy himself:
Enter your caption in the Comments section only. If you e-mail it ... then I kill you.
Enter as often as you like. If you don't enter ... then I kill you.
Only add comments pertaining to this contest. If you troll ... then I kill you.
Ooooo-kay, Uncle Saddy, I think I'll take over from here. Since Peyton sent in this entry, we'll let him judge the contest. (And if he refuses ... I'll kill him.) I'll come up with an inexpensive but appropriate award for the overall winner of the contest. Bribes and flattery are always welcome at CQ -- they won't help you win, but they're welcome nonetheless. I'll keep the contest open through Sunday noon, and we'll announce the winners later that evening. That gives contestants four days to get their entries in, which is three more than the length of Uncle Saddy's trial.
Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of, er, caption contests!
UPDATE and BUMP: Hey, we're having a great response to this contest! Be sure to get your entry in the comments before it closes at noon tomorrow. Peyton's got his eye on the progress here and has already said it will be a tough call ...
COMMENTS CLOSED: Peyton will now make his decision -- and a tough one it will be, I guarantee you. The winners will get announced in a new post later today!
Captain's Caption Contest #35: Watch Your Back Edition
It's Friday, so it must be time for another Captain's Caption Contest! With all of the hullabaloo surrounding Senator Arlen Specter's comments last week and the efforts being made to derail his ascension to the chair of the Judiciary Committee, you'd expect that he and George Bush would barely be on speaking terms. On the other hand, the two GOP stalwarts still have enough in common to work together ... or so it seems. What do you suppose this conversation was like?
You tell me -- enter your best caption into the comments on this post! NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be sequestered in Ramallah for two years, and afterwards get slobbered on by Jacques Chirac. The contest will end on Sunday, November 14th at 8 pm CT, when our guest judge will select the winners.
Let the games begin!
Caption Contest Winners!
Je le regrette le jeux sont fait -- as Jacques Chirac is certainly saying now that the last Captain's Caption Contest has closed out and the winners are about to be announced. In fact, Jacqui -- do you mind if I call you Jacqui, mon ami? -- appears to be eagerly debating the wonderful entries CQ readers submitted for this week's contest:
Sacre bleu! Voila, maintenant ... le winners:
Captain's Award (Leap of Faith) - Nathan:
"Well, his French isn't all bad. He does know how to pronounce 'Lambeau'."
You Have The Conn #1 (Death Imitates Art) - ff1047:
Trust me, it'll be just like "Weekend at Bernies", we can pull this off. For christs sake, the Democrats propped up a dead body as a candidate, we can prop up a dead terrorist as a "leader".
You Have The Conn #2 (The Untold Story) - Brian Wohlgemuth:
Luis Zapatero stands unimpressed as Jacques Chirac decscribes how Saddam Hussein was able to move Chirac's mouth as he sat on Hussein's lap.
You Have The Conn #3 (Die Hard With A Vengeance Award) - Swede:
Yes, yes, of course I know he won, you fool1 I just got off the phone wit zat idiot Bush! By the way, what does "Yippee Ky Yay Mother F'er" mean?
Report to Sick Bay (Or The Morgue, Depending On Who You Believe) - Betalune:
Chirac: "This hand, gentlemen, THIS HAND is the very hand that wiped the drool from Arafat's chin when I visited him last night. Pardon me, gentlemen, I . . . I can't continue. Give me a moment alone, please.
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage my intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you'd like to be the guest judge!
Caption Contest Winners Delayed
Sorry for the delay in the caption contest -- I will announce the winners later tonight. My vacation caused a miscommunication on this edition, which is why I still haven't announced the winners. Thanks for your patience and the gentle but pointed reminders you've sent today ...
Captain's Caption Contest #34: That Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi Edition
It's Friday, so it must be time for another Captain's Caption Contest! Now that the election is over, the surprising results have caused some of our "friends" overseas to rethink their positions regarding George Bush and the US. This group of stalwart supporters of all things American put their heads together today to determine their new strategy:
What did Jacques Chirac say to Luis Zapatero, Josep Borrell, and Jose Manuel Barroso? You tell me -- enter your best caption into the comments on this post! NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be entered onto provisional ballots and destroyed surreptitiously by Karl Rove's evil minions. The contest will end on Sunday, November 7th at 8 pm CT, when our guest judge will select the winners.
Let the games begin!
Caption Contest Winners!
The votes are in ... the pundits have spoken ... the AARP has filed lawsuits in every state of the nation ... it all only means one thing -- the guest judge has picked the winners of the latest Captain's Caption Contest! The Anchoress would just like to thank everyone for their patience while waiting for the results:
Try to keep the excitement under control, people!
Here are the winners!
Captain's Award (Dan Rather Field Reporting Award) - Famous Mort:
(AP) "Kerry Energizes Crowd to 'Dangerous Levels'"
by Nedra Pickler
(MIAMI) Soon-to-be-President Kerry energized a standing-room-only crowd of rabid supporters that left his GOP competition feeling, well, flaccid, as polls show that Kerry leads lame duck Bushitler by a whopping 120% among likely voters and an astounding 200% among dead, incarcerated, or incarcerated and dead voters. Paramedics were called to the speech dozens of times to provide aid for Democratic supporters overcome by Sen. Kerry's awesome personal charisma, razor-edged nuance, and overpowering masculinity...
You Have The Conn #1 (AARParanoia) - Mike:
"Sourpusses for Kerry" wonder whether the rather normal looking younger gal is a Karl Rove plant who is just faking it.
You Have The Conn #2 (Hollywood Endorement Award) - Jeauxjeaux:
Gary Busey and George Hamilton find time between tanning booth appointments to man the lines for Kerry/Edwards.
You Have The Conn #3 (Slo-Mo Photo Award) - Stephen Macklin:
At a rally today, Kerry supporters showed their enthusiasm by attempting to start "The Wave".
Report to Sick Bay (Jane Russell Memorial Award) - Rodney Dill:
"Silly! We're not known as the flip-flop brigade because of our sandals, we're know as the flip-flop brigade because we don't wear bras."
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage The Anchoress's intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you'd like to be the guest judge!
Note: The Caption Contests will continue as scheduled. I would ask CQ readers to skip any John Kerry pictures for a while, now that the election is over. There are all sorts of great targets out there -- Michael Moore could give us enough material for years, as an example ...
UPDATE: Left Rodney's name off the Sick Bay Award!
Captain's Caption Contest #33: Energizing The Base Edition
It's Friday, so it must be time for another Captain's Caption Contest! It's the final countdown, so this contest will remain open as long as the polls do -- which means 8 PM CT on Election Night! This weekend, the candidates have to get their voters to the polls -- that means they have to get them motivated, get their energy up, and inspire them to go to the polls in unprecedented numbers. Here's an example of that Kerry/Edwards magic:
As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section -- NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be tied to the leg of Ohio geese and flown over John Kerry's official hunter surrogates. The contest will end on Tuesday, November 2nd at 8 pm CT, when The Anchoress will select the winners. The Anchoress is an excellent writer on Catholicism and her personal spiritual journey; make sure you stop by often.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 11/01: Tons of great entries so far -- and don't forget, this contest ends when the Minnesota polls close, so keep it going! ...
Caption Contest Winners!
The Elder has finished an extensive review of the huge number of entries we had in the Captain's Caption Contest, and he's selected the winners. It took him quite a while, allowing all of the great selections to bounce around his head so he could pick the cream of the crop. I'd bet The Elder may have had an expression on his face like this:
On second thought, I doubt that The Elder looked much like this. For one thing, his Botox specialist does a much better job than John Kerry's ...
Here are the winners!
Captain's Award (Flights Of Fancy, Part XXXVII) - Stephen Macklin:
I learned how to do this while I was playing on the 1978 U.S. World Cup Team. We could have made the finals that year but I had to take time off to train for the marathon.
You Have The Conn #1 (Sex Education, Kerry Style) - LRFD:
John Kerry, Presidential candidate of the Communist Soccer Girl Party, shows his "O-face" to amused supporters.
You Have The Conn #2 (History Lesson) - New Manifesto:
"Watch as I decisively head this ball in a fashion reminischent of Genghis Khan"
You Have The Conn #3 (I'm So Confused) - Charles Austin:
"This is how I taught Manny Ortez to hit the ball."
Report to Sick Bay (He Had Us At Bonjour) - RightWingDuck:
Kerry and Politics. It's all about taking balls to the face... and wiping the chin afterwards.
The David Strom Short-But-Sweet Award - Infidel:
Owwwwwww!!!!!
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to the winners! Remember, here at CQ, everyone's a winner -- just some of us have higher winning percentages than others. Comments on this post will remain open, as usual, in order for the winners to gloat, the others to disparage The Elder's intellect and/or my parentage, and for any other entries submitted just for the sheer enjoyment of amazing your friends and confounding your enemies.
Send me a photograph or an e-mail with a link to a great picture you think should be the subject of our next Caption Contest, and let me know if you'd like to be the guest judge!
Captain's Caption Contest #32: Keeping Your Eye On The Ball Edition
It's Friday, so it must be time for another Captain's Caption Contest! It's down to the wire now, folks -- only ten days of campaigning left in what seems to have been the Most Interminable Presidential Campaign Ever. Now's no time to waver! The candidates must be at their best, their sharpest, keeping their eyes on the ball ....
D'oh!
This week's guest judge is The Elder from Fraters Libertas, whose sense of fun amidst all this seriousness has been one of my primary inspirations for these weekly contests. The Elder and I will both be part of the guest-hosting Northern Alliance group filling in for Hugh Hewitt tonight! Make sure you tune in as we do our normal gig -- wrecking the studio, live-blogging, and causing mayhem on national radio.
As always, make sure you put your entries in our comments section -- NO e-mailed entries, please! E-mailed entries will be tied to the leg of Ohio geese and flown over John Kerry's official hunter surrogates. The contest will end on Sunday, October 24th at 8 pm CT, when The Elder will select the winners.
Let the games begin!
BUMP 10/23: Great entries so far -- The Elder has been reading them carefully. Keep it up!
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