October 3, 2003
I doubt this will pan out for the sniper suspects, seeing as how the 9th Circuit won't have jurisdiction on appeal....
October 7, 2003
Yeah, I came home from visiting my wife at the hospital tonight, and had to kill a half-dozen of these little suckers before I went to bed. I haven't been bit yet, at least not to my knowledge, but they're everywhere, and I'm surprised that it was only that many inside. These aren't the red variety; they're Asian lady beetles. Not too much difference, just the color. Lady beetles pose no danger to humans, although they do bite. "They'll land on you and taste-test you to see if you're food," Hahn said. "It's more of a pinch, although they can break the skin. There's no disease associated with them, and they're not drinking your blood. . . . They don't mean to be attacking us. They don't know any better." Well, that's comforting....
October 13, 2003
Or, you could say he was really washing with gas!...
I don't know if I agree that the Middle East Road Map is the evil clone of this historical document -- the argument can be made -- but at least this is pretty darned funny, and well-written, too....
I'm not even going to try to introduce this. I'll just let this speak for itself. (Caution: May be disturbing to some readers.) Have a nice night, folks. Sweet dreams. Heh heh heh....
October 15, 2003
Chris Muir makes another pithy but pointed statement on newspaper 'coverage' in recent elections. Gee, I wonder what he may mean by that? Perhaps we should ask Jill Stewart ......
October 16, 2003
... it was all Steve's fault. Bad blogger! Bad, bad blogger!...
October 17, 2003
Let's hear it for GM's marketing folks: their new name for the Buick Regal certainly has instant recognition, if nothing else: General Motor's plans to rechristen the Canadian-built Buick Regal passenger car as the Buick LaCrosse have hit a snag: In Québécois youth culture, the word is slang for masturbation, among other things...Stew Low, a GM Canada spokesman, said in Quebec youth culture the word is a slang term "that means a couple of things, either to masturbate or 'I just got screwed,' or 'I just got taken.' " I can't think of anything that would help sell cars better than to pick a name which either reflects that the owner has no (binary) social life, or is a complete tool just waiting to be taken. Here's a few more names GM may consider in coming months: * Chevy Schlemiel * Cadillac Bunko * Pontiac Pudwhacker (Pee Wee Herman Select...
October 19, 2003
I suppose when this 22-year-old man first went to jail, he felt that his life was over. However, in one of those coincidences that make you want to believe in a Higher Power, or at least in karma, he was surprised to recognize his new cellmate: Authorities say he recognized cellmate Kevin Kinder as the man who abused him and three other boys when he was 11 years old. His lawyer said the man, who is now 22, jumped on Kinder and punched him repeatedly. The former victim's mother called the encounter a "fluke" but added that it was very "therapeutic" for her son. "Therapeutic". Yeah, that's what it was. "Poetic justice" comes to mind as well. People often say, "Just lock me in a room with the guy for five minutes," but here's a man who actually got to do it. Kinder's doing 60 years for violating his probation,...
October 20, 2003
In a surprise move, Senator Joe Lieberman and General Wesley Clark have declared their refusal to campaign in Iowa in order to protest Iowa's annexation of Central Asia. Hint: The plural of "caucus" is "caucuses", in English anyway. The Caucasus is an area in Central Asia that include the Republic of Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Armenia. Perhaps the AP may have heard of it before. Or, perhaps not! UPDATE: They changed the headline to read "Caucases", which now doesn't mean anything....
German wives who dislike having husbands in tow while shopping can instead put their hubbies in day care: For women who want to be able to shop without grumbling partners in tow, the "Men's Garden" has the advantage that they know where their men are and can limit how much they'll spend. "I wanted to shop in peace," said Jeanette Brendel after dropping her husband off, paying the 10 euro fee, collecting a "receipt" for him, and kissing her middle-aged husband goodbye for the afternoon. What a concept! How lucky for German wives that they can avail themselves of this service, since German men apparently cannot muster up the brain power to keep themselves occupied while their wives shop. Don't you love the "receipt" thing, too? As if they couldn't tell which one of the oafs still left in the romper room was the one to which they're married? And...
October 23, 2003
Check out the third item on this list of recent recalls: An Indiana company has recalled 33,000 pounds of frozen corn dogs because they contain undeclared ingredients that could cause allergic reactions in some consumers, the Agriculture Department said. The corn dogs from Olympic Food Products contained eggs, beef and whey that weren't on the label. I can understand the concern here -- I certainly wouldn't expect beef in a corn dog! My goodness, what is the world coming to, when you can find actual beef in a frozen corn dog! This ... is all Bush's fault, of course....
October 24, 2003
You can file this under No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: An outraged Mayor Willie Brown decided to cut short a trip to Asia on Thursday to contend with a coup by a city supervisor who made two key appointments in the 14 hours he acted as mayor. ... As Mayor-for-the-day Wednesday, Supervisor Chris Daly secretly appointed and swore in two environmentalists to the city’s Public Utilities Commission, then announced the appointments on official letterhead he had drawn up for the occasion. Brown is outraged by this, of course, as he should be. The transferring of mayor powers has always been a symbolic act, a gesture to reward friends and soothe ruffled feathers of opponents. Mayor Brown was said to be particularly livid because the mayor-for-the-day honors had been intended as an olive branch to Daly, with whom Brown has never gotten along. “Mr. Daly showed he is still the spoiled...
October 25, 2003
I'm telling you, these maps on the Internet get more and more accurate all the time. Just be sure to plan for a stop in Rivendell for some shopping and good food. (via Amygdala)...
October 27, 2003
The problem with Hollywood stars is that they don't understand that their popularity comes from speaking words written by other people while being filmed by other people on projects that are financed by other people. Playing a doctor on television does not qualify one to perform brain surgery, even if you can say, "I need that Fleeber retracter
stat!"
October 30, 2003
Does this qualify as breaking news at ABC? ABC screened the special for some reporters and religious leaders on Thursday. The program is based on the best-selling novel, "The DaVinci Code," which claims to be partly grounded on historical fact. The book asserts that Mary Magdalene was Jesus' wife — not a prostitute, as in some teachings — and that she fled Jerusalem with his child following his crucifixion. ... The show unravels like a mystery perpetuated by secondhand gossip. Vargas said ABC found no proof that Jesus had a wife, but couldn't completely discount it, either. Here's a list of other things they couldn't prove as well: * Did Jesus have an Easy-Saver card? * Did Jesus have a black-velvet painting of Elphaes ben-Presley? * Did Jesus have the heartbreak of psoriasis? * Did Jesus have a good singing voice? * Did Jesus have a wristband that said WWMD?...
October 31, 2003
A big thank you to Glenn for pointing out this gem of a column in the Guardian, regarding the hypocrisy of the hip. You absolutely must read the whole thing; that is an order. It's impossible to excerpt this without violating all sorts of "fair use" restrictions, but I'll try: But unenlightened, repressed people have an excuse for being hypocrites - that they are unenlightened and repressed, and so presumably don't know any better. No, it's the hipocrites who fascinate and repel me; the enlightened, unrepressed, liberal thinkers whose deepest governing belief would appear to be "Do what I say, not what I do", and who seem to believe that the rest of us are too thick to notice the yawning credibility gap opening up between their feet as they pontificate. ... You expect Ms Dynamite and Justin Timberlake to mouth off against American war in Iraq/US cultural imperialism just...
November 2, 2003
Yeah, I know, this isn't funny ... except it is, in a class-warfare kind of way: Three high school students — a sophomore girl and two junior boys — have been expelled from an exclusive preparatory school in the Sepulveda Pass for allegedly making a sexually explicit video and distributing it on school grounds. ... Wrubel, who did not release the students' names or ages, said two of the students in the video seemed not to know that the recording would be shown to anyone outside a close circle of friends. "They thought they were just doing it for fun," Wrubel said. "And then it showed up in school." I expect that the ACLU will sue the school on behalf of the two boys, claiming oppression of free-speech rights, and Gloria Allred will sue on behalf of the girl, for any manner of civil damages, and for good reason. Still,...
IMAO has a script for Les Moonves. Hopefully, we can get Tim Robbins to play Bill Clinton, Pamela Anderson to play Hillary, and Edward Herrmann to play Janet Reno....
November 4, 2003
It's a bust! In fact, it was a lot of them for South St. Paul police officers responding to complaints of drug use: Twenty minutes before police raided a South St. Paul sex swingers club, one of the partygoing couples reportedly won the top prize — a sex game — for their Halloween costumes. They were dressed as a police officer and a jailbird. When the real police arrived at 1 a.m. Saturday, they found about 100 partygoers in the two-story building between two bars on South Concord Street. Officers also found small amounts of methamphetamine and cocaine. Three people were arrested in the raid; everyone inside was identified and photographed. Yes, thank goodness for the South St. Paul police. I feel so much safer in my community now that we have pictures of all the spouse-swappers out on the town last weekend. Why spend the time on photographing people...
November 6, 2003
Yeah, right, twice a day every day. Sounds like a typical guy ... who's having delusions of adequacy. If I were the wife, I would have said, "But Your Honor, I would like a definition and standard of performance on his part as well. Two pumps and a tickle may be time-efficient, but it's hardly what I call
performance, if you get my drift."
November 7, 2003
Do you remember the couple having sex in St Patrick's Cathedral in the New York radio stunt? The woman involved was sentenced yesterday for her part: A woman accused of having sex with her boyfriend inside St. Patrick's Cathedral as part of a radio show stunt was sentenced to five days of community service. Loretta Lynn Harper, 36, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct on Thursday. Harper could make a semantic argument that she was performing community "service" in St. Patrick's Cathedral, but I'm sure that the judge has something a bit more tame in mind. In an odd and morbid note, her 38-year-old partner in crime died of a heart attack earlier this year....
November 8, 2003
I found a good blog that I'm adding to my blogroll, Bloviating Inanities, which on one hand elevates link-whoring to a new level, while in another post, openly hopes that all readers go away: It is the goal of Suckwatch to annoy and alienate every blogger who reads me so eventually I have no readers and don't have to blog anymore because frankly, it's a big pain in the ass. This mission statement knows what you're thinking - why don't you just quit blogging, you idiot! Well, that would certainly be the logical thing to do, wouldn't it. I love self-contradiction, and so I'm going to be visiting often, although apparently I will eventually be the only one. However, this post is the one that really got my attention, titled I'm an Idiot: As I've mentioned, we had an alarm system installed at our house because a neighbor got robbed....
November 9, 2003
I'm a huge fan of Irish folk music, as well as a student of Irish Gaelic, but I have to admit that this post by Bill had me laughing out loud yesterday. You can't excerpt this stuff -- you just have to go read it. Oh, and sorry for the cryptic post in Irish, Bill; I had meant to go back and post the translation and completely forgot about it....
November 10, 2003
This is just too weird to leave alone: A Chilean trapeze artist survived a dramatic plunge after he landed on a fat spectator who broke his fall. It's like something from a Fellini film, or maybe David Lynch. Nah, for David Lynch, you'd have to have a Little Person speaking backwards as well. (via Drudge Report)...
November 11, 2003
MS-NBC published a funny column on how lucky we Americans are to have celebrities to inform us how stupid we are: If you’re an American, chances are there’s a celebrity who thinks you’re dumb. Maybe even stupid. Or an idiot. Or something worse, which we can’t print here. ... Jane Fonda was in Canada this past April and said: “I don’t know if a country where the people are so ignorant of reality and of history, if you can call that a free world.” ... Also in Canada, Martin Sheen said recently: “Every time I cross this border, I feel like I’ve left the land of lunatics. You are not armed and dangerous. You do not shoot each other. I always feel a bit more human when I come here.” Lunatics, ignorant people, dummies — even dumb puppies. Yes, we got ’em all here. And then they wonder why all...
November 12, 2003
Another sign of the impending Apocalypse -- American parents are naming their offspring after commercial products: According to Social Security Administration research, out of the 4 million babies born nationwide in 2000, 55 Chevys, six Timberlands and seven DelMontes are about to enter preschool. And that's just the boys. Let's not forget the girls. Consider the 25 Infinitis, five Celicas, 164 Nauticas, 298 Armanis and 21 L'Oreals who turn 3 this year. Can our obsession with consumerism get any more crass? Can we possibly exhibit any more of American materialism than to name our own children after automobiles, cosmetics, and -- unbelievably -- cable television sports networks? So much for the little boy in Texas whose parents named their son ESPN (pronounced Espen). As far as Evans knows, only two babies in 2000 were named after a sports network. The other ESPN was reportedly born in Michigan a few months...
November 13, 2003
Either this guy was having a flashback to a fraternity hazing stunt, or he really likes the casual look: Despite the rain and wind, a man decided to visit a Marshall [MN] convenience store wearing nothing but his ``birthday suit.'' The 38-year-old man was staying at a local motel. He ran from his room about a half-block and across one of Marshall's busiest streets to the store on Wednesday. Did you ever have one of those dreams where you are doing routine tasks when you suddenly discover you're naked? I don't think they're much fun, but to each his own. He's living the dream, all right! But what did he expect to do at the convenience store? A store worker said the man appeared to be trying to steal things. The manager was backing out of the parking lot, noticed the naked man entering the store and went in to...
November 15, 2003
It was great fun. If it got strident towards the end of its run, if it introduced stupid characters like that *&^%^%$ cockroach, if it couldn't handle female characters -- we forgave all that.
It was
Bloom friggin' County, man. Until it became
Outland, which became inexplicable, and then became extinct.
November 19, 2003
Instapundit links to a post at Boing Boing that details a benighted response to the electronics industry-standard terms of master and slave. This is from an e-mail sent to technology vendors from Los Angeles County: One such recent example included the manufacturer's labeling of equipment where the words ''Master/Slave'' appeared to identify the primary and secondary sources. Based on the cultural diversity and sensitivity of Los Angeles County, this is not an acceptable identification label. We would request that each manufacturer, supplier and contractor review, identify and remove/change any identification or labeling of equipment or components thereof that could be interpreted as discriminatory or offensive in nature before such equipment is sold or otherwise provided to any County department. While I hardly ever pass up a chance to tweak the nose of my native LA, this issue came up years ago at my former company which will remain nameless (a...
November 20, 2003
I don't know why I moved from LA to Minnesota. I honestly thought that I would feel safer here, but then I readthis story: Laura Lee Nicholas heard a couple of taps on her bedroom window Wednesday morning. Her day was about to get very interesting. ``All of a sudden, I heard this really bad crash,'' the 21-year-old college student said. ``I thought it was a burglar.'' She hid under her blanket. Noise coming from her dresser followed, as she imagined a burglar taking everything out of her dresser. Nicholas thought the burglar had left her room, which is on the ground level of her parents' home. So she peeked out from under the blanket to grab a cell phone. That's when she saw a deer, staring right back at her. She still called police, and two officers quickly led the deer back outside. It was turned over to a...
November 22, 2003
So I'm here in California now, land of Ah-nold da Governator and Carls Jr hamburgers ... mmm, good. The weather today is 65 degrees, sunny with a bit of wind. In Minnesota? 32 degrees and snowing. Heh....
November 23, 2003
Disturbing? Yes. Deeply cynical? Undoubtedly. Hilarious? Yah, you betcha. Read the whole thing. And Merry ^%&*#%* Christmas to you too, pal.
November 24, 2003
The Commissar has a crystal ball these days, and he's not afraid to use it, comrades. In this post, he's looking into Ted Rall's future commentary, and has translated the screams and grunts thusly: Thank you for joining the ABB (Anybody But Bush) resistance forces. You have been issued an AK-47 rifle, rocket-propelled grenade launcher and an address where you can pick up supplies of bombs and remote-controlled mines. Please let your cell leader know if you require additional materiel for use against the Bushies. I don't regret voting for Howard Dean in 2004. But Bush seized power again in 2004, 54% of the popular vote and 300 electoral votes notwithstanding. Read the whole thing, or be prepared to explain to Glorious Revolutionary Political Apparatchiks why you have failed in this assignment. And Comrade Commissar, if you're checking me out in that crystal ball, I swear she never told me...
November 26, 2003
Eric at Viking Pundit notes an unusual correction by the Newspaper of Record: The diagramless puzzle in the magazine on Sunday provided an erroneous clue for 21 Down, seeking the answer "Colin." Colin Powell is secretary of state, not defense. Now, perhaps I am being a bit harsh, but shouldn't a newspaper know the correct job titles for a sitting president's Cabinet members? Especially in this case, where the Secretary of State is frequently hailed by said newspaper as a lone voice of reason in this administration, while the Secretary of Defense is routinely castigated? I understand that this is just a puzzle, not a hard news story. But one would suppose that the Times allows its employees to read the entire paper; if this is an example of how well the Gray Lady serves to educate its readership ......
November 30, 2003
It's a story straight out of Hollywood, and may wind up there: A 59-year-old retired builder from Yorkshire, northern England, was shocked to discover he is in fact a tribal chief with a claim to thousands of acres of land in Canada, British newspapers reported on Friday. Mick Henry, the son of an English mother and a Canadian soldier over in Britain during World War II, was recently tracked down via the Internet by his long-lost Native Canadian relatives from the Ojibway tribe in the province of Manitoba. Until recently, Henry hasn't bothered to learn much about the people he's destined to lead; he thought that they still lived in teepees until he was told about his inheritance. However, Henry is determined to bring Western values to his tribe, even though he still lacks a ceremonial name: Henry is also apparently hoping to cash-in on his new-found heritage and sudden...
A big thank-you to the Patriette, who recently included me in her blogroll, but she seems to have an issue with Minnesota. She's applying for doctoral programs and one of her choices is, or was, the University of Minnesota, which is near where I live. (The Patriette adding to the collection of Northern bloggers? How cool would that be?) Inexplicably, this picture may have dissuaded her: I just have to say that as someone looking into their programs and currently living in Texas, THAT PHOTO DOES NOT MAKE ME WANT TO ATTEND THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA! It makes every person who's told me that I am insane for wanting to move north because it gets so cold up there seem correct. Kelly, don't worry about this picture. It's designed to keep out all of the riff-raff from the Paradise that is the Upper Midwest. Just because you can drive pick-ups...
The New Zealand Herald manages to scoop the rest of the world media in its exclusive interview with the ever-reclusive, ever-controversial Gollum: The first thing you notice when meeting Gollum in the flesh (so to speak) is how much shorter he is in real life than he even appears on screen. Hobbits must tower over him. We're talking Kylie Minogue short. I reach down, we shake hands. The second thing you notice about Gollum is the smell of fish. James Griffin manages to get past the fish aroma to press Gollum on the rumors that he and Rings director Peter Jackson have not always seen eye-to-bugeye on artistic issues. Gollum feels that Jackson has been too much in thrall to the JRR Tolkien books: "We sees things differently, the Master and Gollum. Sometimes the way he treats us." He trails off into a moody silence, looks away, eats a handful...
December 3, 2003
I got this link from a friend of mine who apparently has heard one too many Mac jokes. She sent this to me today. I wonder if she's trying to tell me something. I feel the need a latté and a manicure now, for some odd reason ......
December 6, 2003
Oh, the Commissar will be most displeased with this display of decadence from CPUSA (via QandO). For instance, want to show your support for the proletariat? How about a Karl Marx Lunchbox? Karl Marx wrote much food for thought. Here's a box to put your lunch in. Hungry for more? Click image. No? A bit too childish? You could always buy a Commie Bear for your appropriately socialistic sweetheart: Commie bear! It's the Communist Party USA logo on a teddy bear. Click image to shop for a variety of items sporting the CPUSA gear - hammer - sickle logo. Have they figured out that they've lost the war, and now they're just cashing in on the wreckage of 90 years? Or are they so benighted that they have no idea how baldly ironic Communist merchandising rights are? (Note: I would have posted the images of the merchandise here, but even...
December 7, 2003
It looks like Dennis Kucinich is going to get lucky. Cleveland.com is reporting that a 33-year-old stalwart Democrat beat out 79 other hopefuls to land a date with the long-shot Presidential candidate: After weeks of suspense, Don Juan presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich snagged a date yesterday with Gina Marie Santore, a 33-year-old Democratic party loyalist who currently works for the sheriff of Camden County, N.J. Santore used Internet politicking skills to defeat 79 others who tried to win a date with Kucinich through the Politicsnh.com Web site. She said she was drawn to Kucinich's "attractive platform," more than anything else. His "attractive platform"? Well, I've seen his picture, so I'd have to think it was his platform she found attractive, although Lord knows, this bald 40-year-old doesn't have much room to talk. The article details that the two are considering Indian food when they get together. Power Line gets a...
December 8, 2003
Hey, I'm a jack-booted thug! Thank God, I found out ... my feet were killing me, and now I know why. Apparently my Vogon poetry touched a nerve over at Fraters Libertas, and now they've built another coalition to stop Hugh Hewitt from ... doing something. What do I know? I'm just waiting for the mysterious third task, like any other good jack-booted thug. So far, their alliance consists of such luminaries as Mr. Cranky, Infinite Monkeys, and Puzzlestud. Ed Asner is apparently standing by to act as a mascot, albeit a surly, egotistical one that reeks of Hai Karate. It's enough to make this thug nervous, uff da. While you're checking out their nefarious schemes, check out this post on their site as well. If you can think of anything sillier than a Catholic school using the beautiful but nihilistic song "Imagine" in a memorial service -- Imagine there's...
December 11, 2003
Allahpundit has pictures of Howard Dean and Carly Simon at a fundraiser, along with a transcript of the conversation associated with each one. What, you don't believe him? Would Allah lie? Of course not. But maybe Allah would reciprocate a blogroll link ... UPDATE: Who says prayer doesn't work? Allah has been kind enough to bestow a link upon this blog....
December 15, 2003
As I posted earlier, Time Magazine has published an account of the preliminary interrogation of Saddam "Peace! Peace!" Hussein. However, as we often see in the blogosphere, one of our peers has gotten the rest of the story. Meryl Yourish has the transcript: U.S.: How are you? S.H.: I am sad because my people are in bondage. U.S.: Would you like a glass of water? S.H.: If I drink water I will have to go to the bathroom and how can I use the bathroom when my people are in bondage? U.S.: Well, how 'bout a beer, then? S.H.: Okay, but only if it isn't that Zionist beer. I will drink, but I will still be sad because my people are in bondage. U.S.: So tell us where you're hiding the weapons of mass destruction. S.H.: Weapons of mass destruction? We have no weapons of mass destruction. Iraqis are too...
December 17, 2003
My friend Haddayr Copley-Woods has a new column out at the Minnesota Women's Press, and while I strongly disagree with her politically this time, she is a brilliant writer and her column will instantly resonate with anyone who has a child ... or grandchild ... who has reached the tantrum stage: “Look,” I said. “No more mittens. See?” I hung the mittens around my own neck. This gesture undid Arie completely. He arched his back and began banging his head on the sidewalk. I scooped up Arie, receiving bruise #1 in the shins; I headed homeward at a brisk pace. Arie flung himself backwards, shrieking. He then began, somehow, to cartwheel through the air while remaining in my arms. How he did this is difficult to describe, but it was definitely painful and caused bruises 2-5. Read the whole thing, and she's right about both parties throwing tantrums, as I...
Oh. My. Lord. If you saw tonight's new season-ending episode, then you know what I mean. Matt and Trey rock. That's all there is to it. I haven't laughed this hard at a sitcom in ... well, ever. If you missed it, catch it on repeats during the weekend. Suffice it to say that Parker and Stone keep up with current events. Good night!...
December 19, 2003
I won't have to explain to most of you why this caused me to do a spit-take when I read: Paris Hilton Beats Bush in TV Ratings It must have been one hell of a show ... can they do that on TV?...
Because I have no life, that's why. If you haven't seen Mr. Cranky's blog, take a long look! Or he gets ... well, cranky....